Question: My kids, 6 and 4, have started a new routine in which a babysitter shows up and they GO CRAZY. They actually kind of gang up and are mean, saying things like “you’re a bad babysitter, we don’t like you.” I have never seen this before — with babysitters or anyone else. Usually they are pretty shy, but lately they seem empowered to gang up on the new girl. We’ve talked about this, but when the sitter shows up, it seems to all go out the window. Any tips?
Answer: This is such a great question, and you should you be relieved to learn that I hear about situations like this fairly often.
So, first: Get your detective hat on and make sure that this babysitter is meshing with the children well.
Is she kind? Fun-loving? Flexible? Good with routines? Too much of a pushover?
If everything is checking out okay, it is time for some matchmaking?
What do I mean by matchmaking? Just what you’d expect, but do it to help your children connect and attach to caregivers. You may not know this, but you do this all of the time.
For instance, let’s say I go to a party and my dear friend Jen is there. She and I start chatting, and then I see a woman I know, Rachel, who is new in town.
I will introduce Rachel to Jen and it will sound like this: “Jen, this is Rachel, and she is new to town. Rachel, this is Jen and is a good friend of mine. Hey, Jen, I wanted to tell you that Rachel rides horses, too, and she also has a 5-year-old son.”
What has just happened there?
I created connections in only a few short sentences. From establishing pre-existing friendships to bringing up what the two women have in common, chances are good that my two friends will have a lot to talk about. And all I did was take the time to introduce them.
When it comes to this babysitter, we need to reintroduce your children to her so that they are on the same side.
The easiest matchmaking tool is to find what they have that’s similar.
Do the kids love to bake cookies? Well, maybe the sitter does, too.
Do the kids love to play on Xbox? So does the sitter!
Do the children love “Frozen”? What do you know. . . so does the sitter.
Does the sitter love football? Time to talk about their favorite teams.
So: Ask what the sitter likes and doesn’t, and then find the commonalities with the children.
Try not to be too cheerleader-y. Instead, casually mention that the babysitter loves Junie B books. Could the girls help her find some in the library?
Or maybe, “Hey, the babysitter wants to do make-your-own-pizzas tonight! You guys will help her.”
Find subtle ways to bring the children and sitter together. Be creative.
My last tip?
Don’t lecture the kids on respect, kindness and being mean. This is sure to bring about more rudeness and pushback. Remember, whatever we pay attention to grows.
Work on growing a connection.
Find this over on The Washington Post.