One of the guiding principles I use in my parenting is called:  

“What is the worst that could happen?”

 

This is not revolutionary or complicated thinking.   It is not a way of strictly adhering to a certain type of thinking.  

I recognized early on in my parenting that you cannot say “yes” to everything, nor can you say “no” to everything.  But it is confusing, because the parenting experts seemed to have an answer for everything.  Any given scenario has a prescribed answer…but is it really that easy?  

NEVER give a treat before dinner?  NEVER give a lollipop so you can get through the grocery store?  AWAYS adhere to the bedtime?  ALWAYS make a child hold your hand when walking?  

So how does a parent stay reasonable and sane? 

I use a scale, and this scale is forever changing based on my children and how they are developing.

And even though the scale changes, practicing this thinking for years has become a habit, and it is now fairly automatic.  It helps me with almost every parenting decision, from the big to the small.

Here’s how it works:

At the lowest level in any given situation, the worst possible scenario is death.

Morbid?  Of course, but that is how I roll.

So, already knowing that death is lurking everywhere, I have to move up to “serious injury or maiming.”

What is the worst that will happen if I don’t pick up this two year old in the parking lot?

Serious injury or maiming.

So, I pick up the child.  Screaming and yelling and kicking ensue, but so be it.

 

After serious injury, we move into some muddy waters.

So, one of the items on the scale is:  I am allowing a moral or value boundary to be moved, and thus render it insignificant?

What is the worst that will happen if I turn my head when I witness my six year old tease a friend?

I am breaking a value of showing others kindness.

Is an extra cookie, while on vacation, breaking a value or moral boundary?  No.  For me, the worst that will happen is…well, nothing.  It is a cookie.

Another item on the scale is:  Is this occurrence going to undermine my boundary or routine?  How badly?

For instance, the children beg to stay up later on a school night.  They want to watch one more Phineas and Ferb.  On the surface, this is not a crisis.  Yet my instinct tells me that, well, the worst that will happen is that they will be tired and that they will want to start to do this every night!

So, no.  The TV goes off.

If it’s a Friday night, an extra show does not undermine my routine.

If they are on vacation, it is does not undermine my routine.  If they are vacation, and we need to be at the airport at 6 AM, then it does undermine my routine.  You see?

Asking yourself, “what is the worst that could happen?” is a way to tap into your instincts, keep your role as an authority figure, maintain flexibility, and…the best of all?

Asking “What is the worst that could happen?” can start to bypass those pesky worries and fears that keep your thinking too rigid or too flimsy.

For instance, if you have trouble keeping rules, you could ask, “What is the worst that could happen if I give my child this i-phone and don’t monitor it?”  

Well, this could get bad.  From over-texting to total distraction from homework, this question will snap you to attention that yes!  You need to monitor the phone use!

Also, what about “What is the worst that will happen if I don’t make this screaming five year old another dinner?”  

Your fears might spring up and say, “Oh God, he will never stop screaming…”  But the worst?  It is really just yelling and not eating.  That is not death.  That is not maiming.  That is not even a moral boundary.  It’s just annoying.

So, try it out.  Put some of your parenting worries and quandaries to the test.

Speaking of this, What is the worst that could happen if you try my new online coaching class?  CLICK HERE for more info and since you read ALL the way to end of this crazy post, you get a promo code.  Go to the bottom of the sales page and type in MONAMI for 20% off the class!  Huge savings!