Q: How does one deal with a snarky 6-year-old when both of her parents are snarky? My mother and mother-in-law deem her a “back talker” and suggest some not okay punishments. We do have firm boundaries with her and are working on toning down our tones. We speak about kind words and don’t budge when we get the eye roll and the snark, and we have removed toys/postponed fun things — natural consequences. But yesterday she was snarky to the dentist and I wanted to leave her there. Suggestions? There is a lot going on in her head as kindergarten wraps up and her first time in summer camp begins.
A: Well, you had me at the first sentence: “How does one deal with a snarky 6-year-old when both of her parents are snarky?” You and I both know that this is not ideal (and you mention that you’re trying to tone down your own snark), but I am going to take this a little further by suggesting that you police, consequence and completely change your own snark before punishing her.
Merriam-Webster defines snarky as “crotchety and snappish,” as well as “sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner.” And listen, I love a well-placed snarky comment. Comedically used, it can be searingly funny and cut right to the heart of the subject. However. Regular snarkiness is usually presented as sarcasm, which relies on irony and wit. The inherent problem with snark and sarcasm is that young kids don’t have a grasp on this kind of humor.