Q: When we were raising our babies (now 20- and 30-somethings), we followed the Ferber method, popularized by Richard Ferber, who instructed parents to let their children cry at night for gradually increasing periods of time before entering the room to comfort them, so they learn to comfort themselves. It worked like a charm for us when we stuck to the routine.
Our children are now contemplating having kids, and we want to pass on the wisdom. However, when I mentioned our strategy to a well-known French pediatrician who happens to be a friend, he said this type of method is now believed to cause anxiety, short attention spans and other behavioral problems (I don’t recall the list) as children get older.
What is your view? Do you recommend the Ferber method yourself?
A: Oh boy, this is a question that leads to many strong and fractious opinions, but one thing is true: Every generation has its sleep guru or trend. There’s crying it out, Ferberizing, attachment-parenting co-sleeping, having a family bed, etc.
It is very confusing for every new parent, especially when we live in a culture without a built-in sleep plan. In cultures where everybody does the same thing, there is solidarity in the sleep method. There’s generational support, leading to a confidence for parents. With the U.S. parenting culture, it often feels as if every parent is starting from scratch with every new baby.
U.S. parents may tend to prize data and “white coat” opinions (those from doctors and experts) over their own intuition and lived experiences with their babies. Of course, doctors and experts are important, and they can be incredible supports, but the truth? Helping your baby to sleep is not about adopting the right theory; it’s about getting to know your baby and responding appropriately.
As for the Ferber method causing problems, that’s largely been debunked. Many people associate the Ferber method (gradual extinction) with […]
View this full article on The Washington Post
Looking for more parenting support? Click Here.
Sign up for my Newsletter here to get this in your inbox every week!
