{"id":1263,"date":"2013-09-08T14:13:10","date_gmt":"2013-09-08T18:13:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=1263"},"modified":"2018-06-13T11:19:59","modified_gmt":"2018-06-13T15:19:59","slug":"why-dont-kids-listen-to-their-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/why-dont-kids-listen-to-their-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Don’t Kids Listen to Their Parents?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Parent-yelling-at-kid\"<\/a>In\u00a0research<\/a>\u00a0I recently released concerning parenting challenges and sources of parenting information, parents did\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>talk about breastfeeding preschoolers, how they are intimidated by French moms, or the fact that they couldn\u2019t force their children to practice the fourth hour of piano (\u00e0 la Tiger Mom). No, in fact, my research of over\u00a0five hundred<\/strong>\u00a0mothers shows that parents are struggling with normal and everyday issues.<\/p>\n

When asked to choose what relationship challenges parents face with their children (ages 2 to 10), parents overwhelmingly chose:\u00a0\u201cIgnoring Requests or Directions\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Simply put:\u00a0<\/strong>kids are not listening to their parents.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As a parent coach, I run into this. A lot. So, here are some of my thoughts on kids and why they ignore their parents.<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0 When we nag, beg, threaten and bribe, we teach our children to ignore us. Why? Without real consequences, children very quickly learn that they can ignore our requests and, well, nothing really happens. And if they wait out our screaming and tantrums\u2026nothing really changes for them, does it? The parent is the one with the problem, not the kids!<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0 Ignoring parents is a classic passive power play,\u00a0and it works!<\/strong>\u00a0While big, loud, and angry power struggles are obvious ways to struggle, passively ignoring parental requests can also erode at the fabric of family life. Whether it is slowly walking to the car (despite numerous requests to \u201cplease, just hurry\u201d<\/em>), or the child can\u00a0never ever EVER\u00a0<\/em>find their shoes (hence, the parent is begrudgingly dragged into a search and rescue shoe mission), children unconsciously know they are the ones holding the reins. I say unconsciously, because most small children are simply\u00a0not<\/strong>\u00a0making conscious decisions to struggle with you. They are just doing what they know how to do, and in this case, it is ignoring the parent to receive attention.<\/p>\n

\"M-leahy-parenting-challenges\"<\/a>
\nBar Graphic: Meghan Leahy<\/em><\/p>\n

3)\u00a0\u00a0 Quite often, children ignore parental requests because\u00a0they don\u2019t know exactly what needs doing<\/em>. If you are nagging your child, stop and ask yourself this: \u00a0“Have I properly trained this child to do the requested task?” If this answer is \u201cno,\u201d consider\u00a0teaching<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0the child\u00a0how<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0to do the task!\u00a0 Take your time with it, allow for imperfections and keep the training going! You can train on anything from getting dressed to setting the table to creating a homework system!\u00a0 Involve the children in the decision-making, make it fun and keep it going!<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

4)\u00a0\u00a0 Finally, if you have trained and set out explicit goals, and your child still ignores requests,\u00a0allow for natural consequences<\/strong>. Unless it is a risk to life or limb,\u00a0what would naturally happen as a result of you not interfering?\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>So, for instance, if the five-year-old refuses to put their shoes on to walk to school, then put the shoes in a bag, and start to walk to school. If the child refuses to take the trash out, then let the trash build up and spill over. If the child will not finish her homework, then allow her to go to school with it incomplete. Yes, this may invite some uncomfortable moments and conversations, but the experience teaches\u00a0far<\/em>\u00a0more than any lecture ever could!<\/p>\n

With patience, planning and courage, we can teach our children to listen to us. Screaming, nagging, begging, bribing and punishing don\u2019t work, and I know that our interactions with our kids can be better. So, make a plan and make it positive!<\/p>\n

Review the rest of my research about parenting struggles.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Are you interested in getting parenting support?\u00a0Click Here<\/a>.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In\u00a0research\u00a0I recently released concerning parenting challenges and sources of parenting information, parents did\u00a0not\u00a0talk about breastfeeding preschoolers, how they are intimidated by French moms, or the fact that they couldn\u2019t force their children to practice the fourth hour of piano (\u00e0 la Tiger Mom). No, in fact, my research of over\u00a0five hundred\u00a0mothers shows that parents are struggling with normal and everyday […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1263","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Don't Kids Listen to Their Parents? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/why-dont-kids-listen-to-their-parents\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why Don't Kids Listen to Their Parents? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In\u00a0research\u00a0I recently released concerning parenting challenges and sources of parenting information, parents did\u00a0not\u00a0talk about breastfeeding preschoolers, how they are intimidated by French moms, or the fact that they couldn\u2019t force their children to practice the fourth hour of piano (\u00e0 la Tiger Mom). 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