{"id":1270,"date":"2014-09-08T14:18:30","date_gmt":"2014-09-08T18:18:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=1270"},"modified":"2015-12-07T16:18:49","modified_gmt":"2015-12-07T21:18:49","slug":"bedtime-woes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/bedtime-woes\/","title":{"rendered":"Bedtime Woes"},"content":{"rendered":"
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 <\/p>\n

\"Bedtime-with-teddy-bear\"<\/a>\u201cPLEASE Get into YOUR Bed and STAY THERE!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

How many times have you said that to your children? Once, twice, hundreds of times?<\/p>\n

Children join us in our beds during times of real need. Maybe your young one was really sick for a couple days and needed extra love; maybe there has been a change in the family (new sibling, new move, new school, etc.), and the child has been feeling nervous and needing attention. Maybe there have been nightmares, or their imaginations have gotten the better of them. All you know that is that it has been a month, you are being kicked in the ribs every night and don\u2019t sleep for more than an hour straight. And forget about intimacy with your partner!<\/p>\n

And beyond the sleeping hardships, you have the nighttime drama. You bathe them, you read to them, you snuggle, you tuck them in and POP. There they are! In the hallway. In the family room. In the kitchen. Needing \u201cone more drink\u201d or \u201cone more hug\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s too dark\u201d or \u201cI think I see something\u201d or \u201cIf you get into bed with me, then I will sleep\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Hours and hours pass, and your anger increases. You have\u00a0things to do<\/em>. And more than that, you desperately want\u00a0to be ALONE<\/em>. Your jaw clenches, your hand may grasp their upper arm a little too tightly; you may begin to threaten. You yell. You really yell. The child cries. The baby wakes up. The night has gone to pot. Meanwhile, your partner is hiding somewhere in the house.<\/p>\n

Or, rather than yell, your anger gives way to desperation and hopelessness. You give up and get into bed with the child, or allow them to come in with you. You stare at the ceiling, wondering, \u201cWill I ever be a normal adult again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, I\u2019ve been there.<\/p>\n

What are you supposed\u00a0to do<\/em>?<\/p>\n

You know the quote,\u00a0“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely players.”<\/strong>\u00a0 You, my friend, are involved in some pretty serious theater, and you are performing with a professional! In order to exit this drama gracefully, you need to\u00a0decide to do something\u00a0different<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Firstly, you need a plan. When I work with my clients, I customize each bedtime routine for what works for them, but most plans have the same key elements:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You solve the problem at another hour (that is nowhere close to bedtime).<\/strong>\u00a0Tell the child he or she will be sleeping in their own bed, and that you are going to help them to do it! You will create a bedtime chart, and this can become a fun and creative activity between parent and child! Display the chart where the child can see it, and let them know we are going to stick to it!<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You increase the special one-on-one time, but NOT DURING BEDTIME<\/strong>. During the day, after you come home from work, in the mornings: start spending some one-on-one time with your child. As this becomes more and more of a habit, your child trusts that you are available and will start to go to bed more smoothly. When a child receives positive attention for positive behaviors, those behaviors are likely to repeat. When the child receives attention for popping out of bed, whining, crying, begging and threatening, THOSE behaviors are likely to repeat. So, fill that attention cup up when the time is right!<\/p>\n

\"Sleeping-asian-girl-sm\"<\/a>
\nPhoto Source: Thinkstock\/iStockphoto<\/p>\n

3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Get ready for the nighttime.<\/strong>\u00a0Have your partner on board and ready to help. Mentally, you need to get ready for a potentially long night. Keep calm, do your routine chart, and then keep putting lovely child into bed. Don\u2019t talk, don\u2019t make too much eye contact and don\u2019t interact too much. Bigger don\u2019ts? Don\u2019t huff around, don\u2019t become angry, don\u2019t eye-roll and don\u2019t glare. So, yes you need to be calm. This is why you need your partner to step in; you are going to need a break. The first thing in the AM, you go into their bedroom and say, \u201cYOU DID IT!\u00a0 YOU SLEPT IN YOUR BED!\u201d There is lots of love and hugs and celebration.<\/p>\n

4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>BUT! This could be hard. You may quit. You may give up.\u00a0You may have to start again the next night. IT IS OKAY.\u00a0<\/strong>Really. Life is short; you don\u2019t have to choose this battle if you are not ready. If it is causing MORE fights, more drama and more strife, then STOP. Your child WILL sleep in his own bed, one day. Of this, I am certain. Do you have the right to your personal boundaries, to a childless night, to your own bed? Yes. But please do not sacrifice your relationship with your child to establish that boundary.\u00a0 Love, patience and repetition…keep it up and your child\u00a0will<\/em>\u00a0sleep in their own bed.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo Source (top right): Thinkstock\/Pixland<\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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