{"id":1277,"date":"2014-07-08T14:23:44","date_gmt":"2014-07-08T18:23:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=1277"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:48:24","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:48:24","slug":"imaginary-friends-and-young-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/imaginary-friends-and-young-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Imaginary Friends and Young Children"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Imaginary-friend1\"<\/a>So, true story:\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>My beautiful, funny and very literal-minded eldest daughter (then four) once had an imaginary friend. This friend gave me real pause.<\/p>\n

His name? Mr. Nobody. His favorite activity?\u00a0 Smoking…really. Neither my husband nor I smoked, and Sophia did not spend much time around people who did smoke. Disturbing, right?<\/p>\n

For months, we watched my daughter sit and wait. \u201cSophia, what are you doing?\u201d we would ask. \u201cMr. Nobody is on a smoke break\u2026he is coming back soon.\u201d My husband and I would smile and nod then turn around and look at each other in horror. Our daughter had willingly created a friend who smoked, and even worse, he wouldn\u2019t play with her. Ugh.<\/p>\n

I decided to take a \u201cwait and see\u201d approach (more on this later), and after a couple of weeks, Sophia dumped Mr. Nobody, and we moved on to bigger and better imaginary friends.<\/p>\n

So, what\u2019s the story with these imaginary friends? Some parents worry (kids can become\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0attached, creating elaborate plans and scenarios that involve their fictional buddy), some parents lose their patience (ever not been able to leave the house for an appointment unless the plastic pork chop was found?) and some parents totally buy in and support the fantasy full-tilt.<\/p>\n

So, let\u2019s break it down with a quick Q & A, shall we?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 Are imaginary friends normal? And at what age do most kids create an imaginary friend?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only is it normal, but imaginary friends are also the signs of a healthy and developing brain. This creativity is only the beginning of what our children can do with their brains! Imaginary friends can begin as early as three years of age and last until well into elementary school, seven or eight years of age. There even seems to be some scientific correlation between imaginary friends, later ages and the fiction-writer\u2019s brain! Cool, right?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 My child has odd imaginary friends, like pieces of plastic foods or a Lego man who has no arms. Is this okay?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 When the object becomes an active part of imaginative play and is not needed simply for sleep or comfort (a lovey), your child has applied their wonderful imagination to it\u2026and it is a very important object now! Your child may ask the object about its opinion and thoughts on things like meals, clothing choices, etc., and the object may\u00a0hate\u00a0<\/em>apples. This is normal\u2026if not sometimes irritating. These same \u201copinions\u201d can also be applied to the friend whom we cannot see!<\/p>\n

\"Girl-with-teddy-bears\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Photo Source: Thinkstock\/Hemera<\/em><\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 I feel like our imaginary friend is hijacking our family!\u00a0 The friend has to sit in a certain seat at the table, needs a booster seat in the car and is demanding his own book at bedtime. To what extent do I need to keep this up? When is enough, ENOUGH?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:<\/strong>\u00a0 I tell parents to pick their battles on this front. Firstly, unless your instinct is telling you that there is something amiss about the imaginary friend, just accept it. Secondly, recognize that this is a phase and will pass. In fact, if you allow yourself to have some fun with it, it is a great phase (unlike tantrums). If you feel as if your child is manipulating the family dynamics with the friend, simply say, \u201cI am willing to read you eachthis\u00a0<\/em>book, and then you are going to have to share another book with your friend.\u201d Or try something like, \u201cI am willing to put this chair next to you, and you are going to have to share your dinner with your friend. I am not creating another plate.\u201d Whatever you do, don\u2019t make a big fuss over your boundaries. State them, in the simplest and easiest-to-understand terms, and leave it at that. And when in doubt, meet creativity with creativity! Serve the friend an imaginary meal and ask your child if he sees the green pizza, covered with yellow beans and pink pepperoni!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 What if my child argues with her imaginary friend?\u00a0 What do I do?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ah, yes\u2026the disagreeable imaginary friend. Back to Sophia and Mr. Nobody\u2026I started to notice that she was waiting for him and he was being quite rude. It was an interesting opportunity to talk about friendships and create some solutions. I asked her, \u201cWhat would you do if your friend did this at school?\u00a0 What are some other toys we can play with?\u201d I started to move her\u00a0away<\/em>\u00a0from the waiting and\u00a0toward<\/em>proactive behaviors. Likewise, you can use imaginary friends to model some great behaviors, like sharing and asking questions about feelings. I also love to have imaginary friends teach use more about etiquette (nothing worse than a friend who doesn\u2019t say please or thank you, or will not pass the ball!)<\/p>\n

So, embrace the imaginary friend! It is relatively harmless, fun and above all, normal. Hopefully, your imaginary friend isn\u2019t a rude smoker\u2026<\/p>\n

For more info, go to these websites:<\/strong><\/p>\n

American Psychological Association<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

NYU Child Study Center<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

DisneyFamily.com<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo Source: (upper right) Thinkstock\/iStockphoto<\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, true story:\u00a0My beautiful, funny and very literal-minded eldest daughter (then four) once had an imaginary friend. This friend gave me real pause. His name? Mr. Nobody. His favorite activity?\u00a0 Smoking…really. Neither my husband nor I smoked, and Sophia did not spend much time around people who did smoke. Disturbing, right? For months, we watched my daughter sit and wait. 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