{"id":1512,"date":"2014-07-18T16:33:39","date_gmt":"2014-07-18T20:33:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=1512"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:48:24","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:48:24","slug":"nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/","title":{"rendered":"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
I have a good friend, Chrisy. \u00a0She was my first parent educator at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program), and it is not hyperbole to say that she changed my life.\u00a0 Not only is she an excellent parent educator, she is also a loving and great mom to three children.\u00a0 And since two of her children are older than mine, I often look to her for guidance and reassurance.<\/p>\n

She has given me so many valuable nuggets of wisdom to me over the years, and one of these valuable nuggets came at a crucial time.<\/p>\n

My eldest child was six and a half, and the eye-rolling, sighing, and outright sassiness and rudeness was beginning to pick up speed.\u00a0 My formerly respectful, sweet, even-tempered, and compliant girl was turning into a teenager before my eyes.<\/p>\n

I was telling Chrisy about the burgeoning sassiness with exasperation and fatigue.\u00a0 She looked me in the eye and told me “Nip it in the bud.” \u00a0“What does mean?” I asked her.<\/p>\n

“Don’t wait and chalk it up to normal developmental stuff.\u00a0 She is not four years old anymore.”<\/p>\n

Huh.<\/p>\n

I was <\/i>allowing it to slide and I was<\/i> trying to wait it out.\u00a0 I was hopefully (and lazily) thinking it would get better.\u00a0 What was happening was a habit of her disrespectful behavior and my anger….the cycle was going round and round.<\/p>\n

So, what exactly does<\/i> “nip it in the bud” mean when a parent educator says it to another parent educator?<\/p>\n

Here are a couple of steps to consider:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Everything must be grounded in love and empathy<\/b>.\u00a0 This is an attitude switch from “this child is trying to make me angry,” to “this child wants my attention and her misbehavior is working.”\u00a0 Love and empathy are the foundations that allow you to do this hard work. \u00a0If you are too angry, you cannot complete these steps. \u00a0It will turn into punishment and shame, hence making everything worse<\/i>.<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You call a meeting with your older child.\u00a0 In this meeting, you let him know that you have noticed these behaviors and that they are increasing in frequency and duration.\u00a0 You emphasize that this is not okay in your family; this is not how people speak to one another.\u00a0 You say, “from the now on, if you speak to me like this, we will leave wherever we are.\u00a0 I will not warn you or lecture you.\u00a0 We will simply leave.”<\/p>\n

3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When it the rudeness happens (and it will), you must must must must<\/b> stick to your word and leave.\u00a0 If you do not leave, you are teaching your child that your words and intentions have no meaning behind them.\u00a0 The child will be left feeling in charge (which, truly, is an awful feeling for the child).<\/b><\/p>\n

4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As important as leaving is doing it kindly and quietly<\/b>.\u00a0 No whisper-yelling, no spanking, no “what did I tell you was going to happen?” No “you are embarrassing me and this whole family!”\u00a0 Just usher the child away, looking straight ahead.\u00a0 The child will beg for another chance…stay silent.\u00a0 The child may try to hit you…keep yourself safe and keep going.\u00a0 The child may cry and really<\/b> start to scream…keep going.\u00a0 Don’t negotiate.\u00a0 Don’t give in and don’t shame the child.\u00a0 <\/b>As the parent, remember to breath and keep your focus.\u00a0 This will be extraordinarily difficult at first,\u00a0 but repetition will bring ease.<\/p>\n

5)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Finally, after the child calms down and you feel relaxed and positive, hug them.\u00a0 Tell them you love them.\u00a0 DO NOT LECTURE.\u00a0 If the child cries or says sorry, say, “I forgive you and I know it will be better next time.”\u00a0 You may not feel confident when you say this, but say it anyway.\u00a0 You have to be the person who believes that it can be better; your child needs you to do this.<\/p>\n

6)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Congratulate yourself for doing this hard work.\u00a0 You will be emotionally and physically exhausted, but you held your boundary kindly and firmly.\u00a0 This is the work of parenting, and you will <\/i>be rewarded (just not when you think!)\u00a0 Plan something fun and kind to yourself while you are doing this kind of work; you’ve earned it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have a good friend, Chrisy. \u00a0She was my first parent educator at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program), and it is not hyperbole to say that she changed my life.\u00a0 Not only is she an excellent parent educator, she is also a loving and great mom to three children.\u00a0 And since two of her children are older than mine, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nNipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I have a good friend, Chrisy. \u00a0She was my first parent educator at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program), and it is not hyperbole to say that she changed my life.\u00a0 Not only is she an excellent parent educator, she is also a loving and great mom to three children.\u00a0 And since two of her children are older than mine, I [...]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-07-18T20:33:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-12-04T17:48:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/\",\"name\":\"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-07-18T20:33:39+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-12-04T17:48:24+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. Plain and simple.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Meghan Leahy\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","og_description":"I have a good friend, Chrisy. \u00a0She was my first parent educator at PEP (the Parent Encouragement Program), and it is not hyperbole to say that she changed my life.\u00a0 Not only is she an excellent parent educator, she is also a loving and great mom to three children.\u00a0 And since two of her children are older than mine, I [...]","og_url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/","og_site_name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","article_published_time":"2014-07-18T20:33:39+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-12-04T17:48:24+00:00","author":"Meghan Leahy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Meghan Leahy","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/","name":"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-07-18T20:33:39+00:00","dateModified":"2015-12-04T17:48:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/nipping-misbehaviors-in-the-bud\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Nipping Misbehaviors in the Bud"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/","name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","description":"Helping parents. Plain and simple.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d","name":"Meghan Leahy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Meghan Leahy"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1512"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1512"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1512\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2302,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1512\/revisions\/2302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}