{"id":2819,"date":"2016-01-14T20:34:32","date_gmt":"2016-01-15T01:34:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=2819"},"modified":"2016-01-14T20:55:10","modified_gmt":"2016-01-15T01:55:10","slug":"empathy-is-really-tough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/empathy-is-really-tough\/","title":{"rendered":"Empathy is really tough"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"row\">\n<div class=\"large-12 columns entry-content__output non-vc-entry\">\n<div>One of the main strategies I teach parents is the powerful impact of <i>empathy<\/i>. Empathy is &#8220;the feeling that you understand and share another person&#8217;s experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else&#8217;s feelings.&#8221;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Parent to child, it sounds like, \u201cWow! I am seeing how angry you are\u2026I get it!\u201d or \u201cI imagine it must be hard to not get what you want right now\u2026I know this is frustrating\u201d or \u201cI am sorry your friend was so mean. He really hurt your feelings, huh?&#8221;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Sounds so easy. <i>It can be difficult to do<\/i>.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>When our children are pushing our buttons, it can be very challenging to find a way to \u201cshare another person\u2019s emotions.\u201d We are completely consumed by our own anger, frustration, and disbelief.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>When our babies were born we picked them up <i>every single time they cried (<\/i>despite our exhaustion)<i>.<\/i>\u00a0Every time you picked them up, you looked into your child\u2019s eyes and connected. You coo\u2019d, you made empathic sounds, you assured them, you sang, and you loved them.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>It was empathy and compassion through and through.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>But something happens, doesn\u2019t it?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Somewhere between one and three years of age, the parental empathy train gets derailed and often never really gets back on track.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>We begin to assume our child is manipulating us. That she \u201cknows exactly what she is doing\u201d and we begin to use our rational brain with our children\u2019s emotional behavioral. \u201cI have told you 100 times not to do that!\u201d or \u201cWhy can\u2019t you see what you are doing is wrong?&#8221;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>And it is a mess.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>Of course<\/b>\u00a0it is difficult to find our empathy\u2026we are so. damn. mad.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>And so when I suggest that the parents mirror back the emotions that they are hearing in their child, it sounds so phony.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>It sounds insincere and forced.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Even though we all know that this is often the way to peace, cooperation, and true connection, the panicked part of our reptilian brain ain\u2019t having it. (Read <a href=\"http:\/\/www.parentingscience.com\/empathy-and-the-brain.html\">this<\/a>\u00a0and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ahaparenting.com\/parenting-tools\/emotional-intelligence\/emotional-health\">this<\/a> for more info).<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>And I am here to tell you that there is <b>no way but through.<\/b><\/div>\n<div><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n<div>There are not \u201cFive Easy Ways\u201d or \u201cThree Simple Tricks\u201d to becoming more empathic <i>quickly<\/i>. Like all muscles in the body, when you don\u2019t use it, it loses strength.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>The good news? The more you practice, the easier it gets. You begin to find your voice. Your empathy becomes more automatic and more authentic.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>And the only way to practice is to find empathy and compassion for yourself. Forgiveness. Self-acceptance. Grace. The willingness to try again.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Make no mistake, these are deep waters\u2026but you can do it. You <b>have<\/b>\u00a0done it (your child was a baby once, right?).<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>You can show empathy again.<\/b><\/div>\n<div><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n<div><i><b>(And if you want more support, look into my <a href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/new\/new\/online-parenting-class\/\">Online Classes<\/a>\u00a0)<\/b><\/i><\/div>\n<div><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n<div>xoxo<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Meghan<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>PS &#8211; Lately, I have been dancing to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VBmMU_iwe6U\">this<\/a> and drinking wine to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=yVK3tTBJze4&amp;list=RDyVK3tTBJze4#t=0\">this<\/a>.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>PPS &#8211; I love this <a href=\"http:\/\/ww2.kqed.org\/mindshift\/2016\/01\/05\/overparenting-5-recovery-steps-from-a-former-stanford-dean\/\">article<\/a> so much, I cannot even handle it. (Especially the <b>Get A Life<\/b>\u00a0bit. ON. POINT.)<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the main strategies I teach parents is the powerful impact of empathy. Empathy is &#8220;the feeling that you understand and share another person&#8217;s experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else&#8217;s feelings.&#8221; Parent to child, it sounds like, \u201cWow! I am seeing how angry you are\u2026I get it!\u201d or \u201cI imagine it must be hard to not [&#8230;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27],"tags":[523,522],"class_list":["post-2819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","tag-compassion","tag-empathy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Empathy is really tough - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/empathy-is-really-tough\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Empathy is really tough - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the main strategies I teach parents is the powerful impact of empathy. Empathy is &#8220;the feeling that you understand and share another person&#8217;s experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else&#8217;s feelings.&#8221; Parent to child, it sounds like, \u201cWow! 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