{"id":2895,"date":"2016-03-12T10:00:17","date_gmt":"2016-03-12T15:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=2895"},"modified":"2016-03-12T13:11:19","modified_gmt":"2016-03-12T18:11:19","slug":"back-forth-back-forth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/back-forth-back-forth\/","title":{"rendered":"Back and forth, back and forth"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
You yell too much. You yell from floor to floor and room to room. You yell to get the meals started and you yell to get them into bed. You are sick of your own voice\u2026the volume, the strident tone. You commit to another way. To STOP YELLING.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You stop yelling and the children still ignore you. You are using all the kindness and compassion there is in the world. <\/em>Mother Theresa-level shit and well, no dice.<\/p>\n

What is up with this? Why is this happening?<\/p>\n

I call this parenting phenomenon “The Boomerang Effect.”<\/p>\n

You see this phenomenon happen mostly in diet and exercise. You decide you are “fat.” You starve your body while also ratcheting up the exercise to an unsustainable level. Your body and brain work their ass off. They want to do this for you…they are trying.<\/p>\n

But the tension and stress is building. This work cannot be maintained. It is unhealthy. Your body is hungry and tired, and your mind is losing its focus.<\/p>\n

An oreo shows up and BOOM. ALL THE COOKIES\u00a0WITHIN A TEN MILE RADIUS GET EATEN. Boomerang Effect.<\/p>\n

You were doomed the minute you began.<\/p>\n

Going from TOTAL YELLING to NOT YELLING is an unreasonable request of your habitual mind. The same brain that is trying something new is also trying to be perfect.<\/p>\n

And you went from one false construct: “I will control the kids with yelling,” to “I will control the children with kindness.”<\/p>\n

Control, control, control.<\/p>\n

To realize that you cannot really control your children is\u00a0not easy<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

To go from yelling to peace is a long (and I loathe this word) journey.<\/p>\n

And this journey has many trips and falls along the way. And by the way, the journey never ends. NEVER.<\/p>\n

I always imagine parental change as a steep ascent in the beginning. Heavy loads on your back that you feel you must carry. Snow. Cold. Loneliness. Feeling lost.<\/p>\n

I come in to to sherpa you up the hill. Help you put some heavy loads down, bit by bit. Help you over the logs, dodge the falling boulders.<\/p>\n

This is what family and community used to do for each other. There is no shame in starting at the bottom of the mountain. There is no shame in needing support, love, encouragement, a little push. There is only the sadness of not trying. Of not beginning.<\/p>\n

Begin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You yell too much. You yell from floor to floor and room to room. You yell to get the meals started and you yell to get them into bed. You are sick of your own voice\u2026the volume, the strident tone. You commit to another way. To STOP YELLING.   You stop yelling and the children still ignore you. You are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[268,162,163,270,8],"class_list":["post-2895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-anger","tag-attachment","tag-boundaries","tag-children","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nBack and forth, back and forth - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Yelling at your children doesn't work. And neither does not yelling. 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