{"id":3159,"date":"2016-08-12T14:40:14","date_gmt":"2016-08-12T18:40:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=3159"},"modified":"2016-08-12T14:40:14","modified_gmt":"2016-08-12T18:40:14","slug":"im-single-mom-6-month-old-get-past-drowning-feeling-81016","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/im-single-mom-6-month-old-get-past-drowning-feeling-81016\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m a single mom of a 6-month-old. How do I get past that drowning feeling? 8\/10\/16"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"shutterstock_268497884\"During a recent online chat with Meghan Leahy, a desperate reader wrote in, asking for help. Leahy\u2019s advice follows, as do some responses from readers we wanted to share here. Note to tired mom: Accept help.<\/i><\/p>\n

Q. I was reading your column about\u00a0tips on good parenting<\/a>, including the tip about taking care of yourself. I\u2019m a single mom of a 6-month-old, and I\u2019m having a hard time figuring out self-care. I feel as if I\u2019m drowning, and I can\u2019t figure out what I need to get past that feeling. I have resources \u2014 local family, willing friends \u2014 and I just can\u2019t figure out what I need from them. They keep offering to help, and I just can\u2019t seem to say yes. I really just want to take a week off from work, send the baby to day care and curl up at home, but that\u2019s not an option with my job.<\/p>\n

A. I love that you wrote in. Okay, mama, let\u2019s look at this.<\/p>\n

1. Stop worrying about your self-care image. Say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes to friends and family. You say you want to lie down. So, begin by lying down. Nap. Watch bad TV. Put a cheap mask on your face and rest. Let go of any ideas about what you should be doing or not doing. Lie down in a dark room and just be there. It sounds dumb, but how often are you allowed to be with yourself, by yourself?<\/p>\n

2. Say yesyesyesyes to friends and go to a local coffee shop with a notepad. A book. A magazine. Journal about the fact that you don\u2019t know what you should be doing. Journal about your worry.<\/p>\n

3. Say yesyesyesyesyesyesyes to friends and family, and walk. Outside. Get with some trees and breathe. Walk by a dog park and watch the dogs. Pet some. Sit on a log and watch a stream. You don\u2019t have to power-walk. Just amble around and let nature heal you. I know it is woo-woo-sounding, but nature heals.<\/p>\n

4. Don\u2019t let anyone tell you what self-care looks like. Even me. If it is cleaning and organizing for you, do it. If it is reading silly books, do it. If it is watching live comedy, do it. If it is church, do it. If it is crying for a while in the woods, do it. Just say yes to your friends. My only mandate here is that you let people help you. Stat. That\u2019s an order. Release yourself from expectations and see where it goes.<\/p>\n

Edited advice from readers and fellow parents:<\/b><\/p>\n

Let go of guilt:\u00a0<\/b>I would tell her that she\u2019s probably the type of mother who most enjoys time with her children when they\u2019re older. Some of us prefer the age when children are most dependent on us and at their sweetest, most beguiling, and others prefer the intellect and independence of teenagers. There\u2019s nothing wrong with that, and it doesn\u2019t mean that you don\u2019t love your children. So don\u2019t feel guilty about your feelings.<\/p>\n

Sitters are there for a reason:<\/b>\u00a0Go ahead and send the baby to day care for \u201cme day.\u201d I used to do this on a semi-regular basis, and it helped me with my sanity. I figured my kid would be happier at \u201cschool\u201d than with a stressed-out mom in need of a break. My kids are school-age now and show no scars from this, at least from what I can tell. Take the day. And don\u2019t just clean \u2014 go out and get a coffee, meet a friend, something.<\/p>\n

It gets better<\/b>: I was in your shoes, barely hanging on some days. Maybe you can\u2019t take a whole week off from work, but I bet you could take one mental-health sick day. I\u2019d do this and use the time to go roam a bookstore, do grocery shopping (in half the time solo) or just zone out at home for a few hours. And the greatest consistent break I found was by joining a gym \u2014 many have kids\u2019 areas where you can drop off your little one and get an hour to yourself to run, cycle, swim, do yoga. That worked for me for years, with the added benefit of finding other single-mom friends (and their kids). Good luck. It does get easier. I promise.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Find this over on The Washington Post<\/a>.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During a recent online chat with Meghan Leahy, a desperate reader wrote in, asking for help. Leahy\u2019s advice follows, as do some responses from readers we wanted to share here. Note to tired mom: Accept help. Q. I was reading your column about\u00a0tips on good parenting, including the tip about taking care of yourself. I\u2019m a single mom of a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[301],"tags":[582,213,571,583],"class_list":["post-3159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-washington-post","tag-help","tag-new-baby","tag-self-care","tag-single-mom"],"yoast_head":"\nI\u2019m a single mom of a 6-month-old. 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