{"id":383,"date":"2011-12-29T04:16:23","date_gmt":"2011-12-29T09:16:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=383"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:42:24","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:42:24","slug":"time-to-give-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Time to give up"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When people talk to me about how \u201cnothing is working,\u201d \u201cmy kid won\u2019t listen to me,\u201d and \u201cmy kid will not cooperate,\u201d my first thought is: \u201ctime to give up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Give up?\u00a0 GIVE UP?<\/em>\u00a0 This sounds un-American, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 We don\u2019t give in and we certainly don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 It\u2019s a parent\u2019s job to teach their kids life lessons, right?\u00a0 If we give up, who the heck is going to make kids: get dressed\/brush teeth\/do homework\/eat dinner\/bathe\/learn respect\/learn to be kind\/not end up in jail?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>When I think of \u201cgive up,\u201d I think of it more like this: the more we try to control our children, the more often we end up battling with them.\u00a0 And the more we battle with them, the more discouraged we become.\u00a0 And the more discouraged we become, the less likely we are to see anything good or worthwhile in that child.\u00a0 The child is the nail and we are the hammers.<\/p>\n

And when you think about the things you going to the mat for, well, I question if they are worth it.\u00a0 Your child will likely not die for going to bed dirty.\u00a0 The world will not explode if they don\u2019t put clothes away.\u00a0 They probably won\u2019t fail math if they do not attend to their homework, the exact way you think that they should (at the dining room table, at 7 PM, in total silence).<\/p>\n

I am not suggesting that children run dirty, that rooms run amok with clothes, and that homework goes ignored.\u00a0 Actually, maybe I am.<\/p>\n

What I am suggesting is that all of this reactive parenting (after the problem has started and when you are angry) simply doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 And it adds nothing to the pleasure principle of your life, not to mention your family life.<\/p>\n

Attend to the problem when it is not<\/em> acute.\u00a0 When you are feeling good, and when you and the kid are copacetic.\u00a0 Say something like \u201cI have noticed that coats are not getting on in the morning.\u00a0 Do you have some ideas for how to get coats on, so that we can all get to the car?\u201d\u00a0 Sounds kind of dumb, but this is respectful, proactive, and kind.\u00a0 May not work perfectly (count on that), but it is 100% better than screaming like a lunatic, while waving coats, standing in the doorway for all the neighbors to see.\u00a0 (That would\u2019ve been me, many a time)<\/p>\n

So, give up.\u00a0 Give up the fight.\u00a0 Give up the belief that your kids are as useless as you are afraid they are (they aren\u2019t).\u00a0 Give up controlling people (because the only person you can control is yourself).\u00a0 Give up perfection (and some amount of cleanliness and timeliness\u2026you will get it all back, eventually).\u00a0 Give up your lack of humor and start to laugh at the absurdity of life (you know, you, with all of your degrees and smarts, cannot move a three year old into a bath without ending up soaking yourself\u2026that is<\/em> funny).<\/p>\n

And try proactively parenting, soliciting help, asking for support, and believing that your children want to help you.\u00a0 You might be surprised to see what happens\u2026<\/p>\n

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 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When people talk to me about how \u201cnothing is working,\u201d \u201cmy kid won\u2019t listen to me,\u201d and \u201cmy kid will not cooperate,\u201d my first thought is: \u201ctime to give up.\u201d Give up?\u00a0 GIVE UP?\u00a0 This sounds un-American, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 We don\u2019t give in and we certainly don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 It\u2019s a parent\u2019s job to teach their kids life lessons, right?\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[59,444,265,478,277,319,60,285,291],"class_list":["post-383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-routines","tag-chores-2","tag-homework","tag-laughter","tag-manners","tag-misbehavior","tag-morning-routines","tag-nighttime-routine","tag-potty-training","tag-tantrums"],"yoast_head":"\nTime to give up - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Time to give up - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When people talk to me about how \u201cnothing is working,\u201d \u201cmy kid won\u2019t listen to me,\u201d and \u201cmy kid will not cooperate,\u201d my first thought is: \u201ctime to give up.\u201d Give up?\u00a0 GIVE UP?\u00a0 This sounds un-American, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 We don\u2019t give in and we certainly don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 It\u2019s a parent\u2019s job to teach their kids life lessons, right?\u00a0 [...]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-12-29T09:16:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-12-04T17:42:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/new\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/DSC00869-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/\",\"name\":\"Time to give up - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-12-29T09:16:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-12-04T17:42:24+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/e4e0d31e5da894d0dcd2c68ae07bcdc3\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/routines\/time-to-give-up\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Time to give up\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. 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