{"id":4112,"date":"2018-02-21T14:25:19","date_gmt":"2018-02-21T19:25:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=4112"},"modified":"2018-02-21T14:25:19","modified_gmt":"2018-02-21T19:25:19","slug":"will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Q:\u00a0<\/b>My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help that?<\/em><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0<\/b>This is a short question that has an answer that could go on for pages and pages and even become a book. Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019m not going to do that to you, but I do want to hash out a longer answer so that everyone can understand developmentally normal shyness in young children, as well as the role that socialization can play in our children\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n

So, a 2-year-old! Congrats, you are raising one intense little human. Two-year-olds, on a good day, are exhaustingly fun. If you feel as if you\u2019re living with someone who has a split personality, you are.<\/p>\n

A 2-year-old has the truest joie de vivre of any human out there. One minute, she is exploring her world with wide-eyed wonder, and the next, she seems to be regressing into a baby. Clingy, whiny and indecisive, 2-year-olds can be baffling. Didn\u2019t she just indicate that she wanted to go to the park? Wait, does my daughter not love her grandma anymore? Why is she running away from her? It can be confusing, but let\u2019s illuminate what is happening in the mind and body of your child that brings about this separation anxiety.<\/p>\n

To begin, separation anxiety is a loaded word. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, defines it as a \u201cdiagnosis assigned to individuals who have an unusually strong fear or anxiety to separating from people they feel a strong attachment to. The diagnosis is given only when the distress associated with the separation is unusual for an individual\u2019s developmental level, is prolonged and severe. .\u2009.\u2009. It is important to note that distress upon separation from a parent is normal for a child at the ages of 8 months until 13-15 months.\u201d<\/p>\n

My only issue with this definition? It\u2019s inconceivable that separation anxiety leaves us at 15 months. Why? Let\u2019s look at the purpose that separation anxiety serves in the development of children and how it is not a disorder or something that needs to be corrected, especially in a 2-year-old.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

Humans are born as one of the most useless species on Earth. We may be good at adapting as we age, but when we are born, we are a mess. We cannot do a single thing for ourselves. When I reflect on this, I remember watching horses give birth to colts and how, within hours, the colt would stand up. On its own! Think of the time required for human babies to accomplish anything. It may feel as if your 2-year-old walked quickly and easily, but there is a great deal of movement (rolling, rocking, crawling and pulling up, just to name a few) needed to get her to that point. This uselessness requires babies to remain close to their main attachment for a long time. Nature designed us this way. To get these big brains to maturity, we need people to take care of us.<\/p>\n

Your 2-year-old is excited for the world, but if you can imagine a band stretching from her heart to yours, that band can only stretch so far. As soon as your daughter\u2019s primal panic impulse kicks in and says, \u201cWait, get near Mom, you are not safe!\u201d she comes bouncing right back to you, clinging to your leg and begging to be picked up. The same is true if a stranger gets in her face too quickly. Your daughter unconsciously knows this is not her main attachment, and she thinks: \u201cI don\u2019t know her. Get away!\u201d This is not a disorder. This is nature doing what it must to keep a child safe.<\/p>\n

Does this mean that a 2-year-old can\u2019t have many attachments? She can! She can have her parents, grandma, day care, teacher and others. But too many adults coming in and out of her life will panic her. So, yes, the younger the child, the fewer the attachments.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

Which leads me to the socialization idea that Americans are obsessed with. The big question: Does your child need to be socialized to eliminate her separation anxiety? No, and now you understand that forcing your child to leave you over and over will panic her and make her anxiety worse. Am I saying that your daughter should not go to parks or music class or day care or a nanny share? No! Just don\u2019t confuse these activities as events that are \u201cteaching your child how to be with others.\u201d In fact, there is a reason that children used to start school around age 6 or 7: They were finally mature enough to handle being with other children and adults all day.<\/p>\n

Do you want or need your child to go to day care? Send her. But your 2-year -old doesn\u2019t need to go to learn how to be with people. She will get there all by herself as she matures.<\/p>\n

My advice is to get some child care so that you can take a break from the parenting grind (or because it\u2019s necessary to work) and keep a routine that makes you happy. Food, naps, playing outside, repeat. See friends, sign up for classes that make you happy, limit technology, go to parks. Through daily living, strong love and connection \u2014 and setting the necessary boundaries \u2014 your daughter will socialize just fine. Enjoy her and try to relax. Good luck.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Find this over on The Washington Post<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help that? A:\u00a0This is a short question that has an answer that could go on for pages and pages and even become a book. Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019m not going to do that to you, but I do want to hash out a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[689,584,585,8,592,450,949,593,950],"class_list":["post-4112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-how-to-be-a-good-parent","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-on-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-separation-anxiety","tag-should-my-child-go-to-preschool","tag-washington-post-parenting","tag-what-age-preschool"],"yoast_head":"\nWill sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/shutterstock_79134970.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"333\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/\",\"name\":\"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. Plain and simple.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Meghan Leahy\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?","description":"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?","og_description":"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?","og_url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/","og_site_name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","article_published_time":"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00","og_image":[{"width":500,"height":333,"url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/shutterstock_79134970.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Meghan Leahy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Meghan Leahy","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/","name":"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00","dateModified":"2018-02-21T19:25:19+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d"},"description":"My 2-year-old has separation anxiety that is really affecting my life. Can\u00a0I put her in one-day-a-week \u201cpreschool\u201d to help?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/will-sending-child-preschool-help-separation-anxiety\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Will sending my child to preschool help with her separation anxiety?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/","name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","description":"Helping parents. Plain and simple.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d","name":"Meghan Leahy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Meghan Leahy"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4112"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4115,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112\/revisions\/4115"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}