{"id":471,"date":"2012-02-22T01:13:30","date_gmt":"2012-02-22T06:13:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=471"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:30:00","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:30:00","slug":"471","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/471\/","title":{"rendered":"Imaginary Buddies…Friend or Foe?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
So, true story.\u00a0 My beautiful, funny, and very literal-minded eldest daughter (then four) once had an imaginary friend.\u00a0 This friend gave me real pause.<\/p>\n

His name?\u00a0 Mr. Nobody.\u00a0 His favorite activity?\u00a0 Smoking.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Neither my husband nor I smoked, and Sophia did not spend much time around people who did smoke.\u00a0 Disturbing, right?<\/p>\n

For months, we watched my daughter sit and wait.\u00a0 \u201cSophia, what are you doing?\u201d we would ask.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Nobody is on a smoke break\u2026he is coming back soon.\u201d\u00a0 My husband and I would smile and nod, then turn around and look at each other in horror.\u00a0 Our daughter had willingly created a friend who smoked, and even worse, he wouldn\u2019t play with her.\u00a0 Ugg.<\/p>\n

I decided to take a \u201cwait and see\u201d approach (more on this later), and after a couple of weeks, Sophia dumped Mr. Nobody and we moved on to bigger and better imaginary friends.<\/p>\n

So, what\u2019s the story with these imaginary friends?\u00a0 Some parents worry (kids can become very<\/em> attached, creating elaborate plans and scenarios that involve their fictional buddy), some parents lose their patience (ever not been able to leave the house for an appointment unless the plastic pork chop was found?), and some parents totally buy in and support the fantasy, full-tilt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, let\u2019s break it down with a quick Q & A, shall we?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 Are imaginary friends normal?\u00a0 And at what age do most kids create an imaginary friend?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:\u00a0 Not only is it normal, but imaginary friends are also the signs of a healthy and developing brain.\u00a0 This creativity is only the beginning of what our children can do with their brains!\u00a0 Imaginary friends can begin as early as three years of age, and last until well into elementary school, seven or eight years of age.\u00a0 There even seems to be some scientific correlation between imaginary friends, later ages, and the fiction-writer\u2019s brain!\u00a0 Cool, right?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 My child has odd imaginary friends, like pieces of plastic foods or a Lego man, who has no arms.\u00a0 Is this okay?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 When the object becomes an active part of imaginative play and is not needed simply for sleep or comfort (a lovey), your child has applied their wonderful imagination to it\u2026and it is a very important object now!\u00a0 Your child may ask the object about its opinion and thoughts on things like meals, clothing choices, etc., and the object may hate <\/em>apples.\u00a0 This is normal\u2026if not sometimes irritating.\u00a0 These same \u201copinions\u201d can also be applied to the friend whom we cannot see!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 I feel like our imaginary friend is hijacking our family!\u00a0 The friend has to sit in certain seat at the table, needs a booster seat in the car, and is demanding his own book at bedtime.\u00a0 To what extent do I need to keep this up?\u00a0 When is enough, ENOUGH?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:\u00a0 I tell parents to pick their battles on this front.\u00a0 Firstly, unless your instinct is telling you that there is something amiss about the imaginary friend, just accept it.\u00a0 Secondly, recognize that this is a phase and will pass.\u00a0 In fact, if you allow yourself to have some fun with it, it is a great phase (unlike tantrums!)\u00a0 If you feel as if your child is manipulating the family dynamics with the friend, simply say, \u201cI am willing to read you each this <\/em>book, and then you are going to have to share another book with your friend.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI am willing to put this chair next to you, and you are going to have to share your dinner with your friend.\u00a0 I am not creating another plate.\u201d\u00a0 Whatever you do, don\u2019t make a big fuss over your boundaries.\u00a0 State them, in the simplest and easy-to-understand terms, and leave it at that.\u00a0 And when in doubt, meet creativity with creativity!\u00a0 Serve the friend an imaginary meal and ask your child if he sees the green pizza, covered with yellow beans and pink pepperonis!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0 What if my child argues with her imaginary friend?\u00a0 What do I do?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>A:\u00a0 Ah, yes\u2026the disagreeable imaginary friend.\u00a0 Back to Sophia and Mr. Nobody\u2026I started to notice that she was waiting for him and he was being quite rude.\u00a0 It was an interesting opportunity to walk about friendships and create some solutions.\u00a0 I asked her, \u201cWhat would you do if your friend did this at school?\u00a0 What are some other toys we can play with?\u201d\u00a0 I started to move her away<\/em> from the waiting and toward<\/em> proactive behaviors.\u00a0 Likewise, you can use imaginary friends to model some great behaviors, like sharing and asking questions about feelings.\u00a0 I also love to have imaginary friends teach use more about etiquette (nothing worse than a friend who doesn\u2019t say please or thank you, or will not pass the ball!)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, embrace the imaginary friend!\u00a0 It is relatively harmless, fun, and above all, normal.\u00a0 And hopefully you imaginary friend isn\u2019t a rude smoker\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For more info, go to these websites:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.apa.org\/monitor\/jan05\/imaginary.aspx<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.aboutourkids.org\/articles\/when_your_child039s_new_friend_imaginary<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

http:\/\/family.go.com\/parenting\/pkg-preschool\/article-826297-the-real-reasons-kid-create-imaginary-friends-t\/<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, true story.\u00a0 My beautiful, funny, and very literal-minded eldest daughter (then four) once had an imaginary friend.\u00a0 This friend gave me real pause. His name?\u00a0 Mr. Nobody.\u00a0 His favorite activity?\u00a0 Smoking.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Neither my husband nor I smoked, and Sophia did not spend much time around people who did smoke.\u00a0 Disturbing, right? For months, we watched my daughter sit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[263,484,485,265,307,169],"class_list":["post-471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-anxiety","tag-family-members","tag-illness","tag-laughter","tag-preschool","tag-sadness"],"yoast_head":"\nImaginary Buddies...Friend or Foe? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/471\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Imaginary Buddies...Friend or Foe? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So, true story.\u00a0 My beautiful, funny, and very literal-minded eldest daughter (then four) once had an imaginary friend.\u00a0 This friend gave me real pause. 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