{"id":5266,"date":"2021-02-03T21:59:22","date_gmt":"2021-02-04T02:59:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=5266"},"modified":"2021-02-03T21:59:22","modified_gmt":"2021-02-04T02:59:22","slug":"how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/","title":{"rendered":"How to add chores to an already stressed household (without complete rebellion)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n

Q:\u00a0<\/b>Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds? We never did (yes, I know), and it’s clear that this needs to happen. They are great kids, and when we ask them to do something, most of the time, it’s no big deal. But sometimes, it turns into a huge battle. I think we need structure, which is hard for me, given my own attention\/organizational issues and ad hoc nature.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

I don’t want to fail my kids with the “work of life,” and I don’t want an argument every time I ask them to do something. Before we get back to a life that exists outside of our home, I’d like to get us all used to a routine where we all take care of the house. They are also stressed and sad during this time of isolation, and my 14-year-old is very driven at school and is putting a lot of pressure on herself.<\/p>\n

A:\u00a0<\/b>You had me until the end of your note. Yes to chores! Yes to routine and structure! Yes to less arguments and bossing kids around! However, we also have your own attention and organizational issues, as well as teen stress, sadness, isolation and perfectionism, all during the pandemic. Yikes.<\/p>\n

You are not alone in spending a year with your children, only to realize there\u2019s a lack of chores and routine. But remember: Pandemic family life doesn\u2019t reflect regular life. From going to school to having activities, your children were probably busy, so the opportunity and need for chores and routine were probably not as apparent. And when they go back to school (fingers crossed), the chores and routines will change again.<\/p>\n

\n

But I\u2019m also reluctant to throw too many routines into a home with this much stress. I get the sense that we may need to take a peek at you first before we begin applying routine for your children.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Are you a person with ADD or ADHD, undiagnosed? You say you have an \u201cad hoc nature,\u201d so I\u2019m guessing your lack of attention predates the pandemic. It could be wonderfully freeing to see a specialist and learn that it\u2019s not a lack of willpower you suffer from; instead, it\u2019s an issue with your brain that needs support.<\/p>\n

\n

Anxiety and depression can also show up as attention issues, so please talk with your doctor about any long-standing concerns.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

While we\u2019re at it, I\u2019m wondering about any anxiety and depression with the 14-year-old. Is her perfection new, or has it been going on for a while? It\u2019s worth looking at.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

As you support your own mental health and well-being, you can begin implementing simple chores and routines for your family. Yes, there are high levels of stress, especially with your 14-year-old, but completing small, achievable tasks can feel good to the mind of a stressed-out teen. The trick is not to go from one extreme to another. You admit to not running a tight ship for the better part of a decade, so we cannot suddenly reverse course. (At least, not without total dissent from the family.) So let\u2019s go super easy.<\/p>\n

\n

Announce that you are beginning an apprenticeship, and the children can each choose one chore to learn. Call a family meeting, list the daily and weekly chores, and have each child choose one. They may be impressed to learn how much it takes to run a household, or they may roll their eyes; I don\u2019t know how discouraged your family is.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

In any case, let the children know that an apprentice requires training, so if the 10-year-old chooses trash and recycling, you will walk them through the steps, show them the bags and the cans, and say when the trash is picked up. You\u2019ll praise all efforts, firmly and gently correct mistakes, and keep it moving.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Remember: There is no expertise in an apprenticeship; there are only mistakes and learning. As a family, you can decide whether you want one-week, two-week or one-month apprenticeships. It\u2019s whatever you decide. You\u00a0are\u00a0simply starting small and\u00a0doable habits.<\/p>\n

\n

And do yourself all a favor: When the week is over, celebrate the children\u2019s efforts. Yes, it sounds a little \u201cgolf clappy\u201d for doing the least, but life is such a grind right now that I\u2019m promoting joy whenever and wherever you can create it. Practicing laundry, trash and dishes is an excellent place to begin.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Whatever you decide, the plan of routine and chores must work for you, the parent. (I don\u2019t know whether you have a partner, but if so, please bring them on for support.) We are, after all, in a pandemic, and there\u2019s much to be said about just making it through. Structure and routine are worthy goals and can bring a feeling of safety and calm to a family, but please frame this work as practice.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Keep it light, keep it positive, keep it moving. And above all, get the support you need for yourself. Good luck.<\/p>\n

To get Meghan’s column in your inbox every week, sign up here!<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Find this over on The Washington Post<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click here<\/a> for all the ways to work with Meghan.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds? We never did (yes, I know), and it’s clear that this needs to happen. They are great kids, and when we ask them to do something, most of the time, it’s no big deal. But sometimes, it turns into a huge battle. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4431,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1492,35,301],"tags":[59,557,1540,24,442],"class_list":["post-5266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-in-a-pandemic","category-routines","category-washington-post","tag-chores-2","tag-family-meetings","tag-family-routines","tag-responsibility","tag-structure"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to add chores to an already stressed household<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to add chores to an already stressed household\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/shutterstock_154184030.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"333\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/\",\"name\":\"How to add chores to an already stressed household\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to add chores to an already stressed household (without complete rebellion)\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. Plain and simple.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Meghan Leahy\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to add chores to an already stressed household","description":"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to add chores to an already stressed household","og_description":"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?","og_url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/","og_site_name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","article_published_time":"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00","og_image":[{"width":333,"height":500,"url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/shutterstock_154184030.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Meghan Leahy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Meghan Leahy","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/","name":"How to add chores to an already stressed household","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website"},"datePublished":"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00","dateModified":"2021-02-04T02:59:22+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d"},"description":"Any ideas on how to build a structure around family responsibilities and chores with 14- and 10-year-olds?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/how-to-add-chores-to-an-already-stressed-household-without-complete-rebellion\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to add chores to an already stressed household (without complete rebellion)"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/","name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","description":"Helping parents. Plain and simple.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d","name":"Meghan Leahy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Meghan Leahy"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5266"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5266"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5267,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5266\/revisions\/5267"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4431"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}