{"id":5275,"date":"2021-02-10T11:17:02","date_gmt":"2021-02-10T16:17:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=5275"},"modified":"2021-02-10T11:17:02","modified_gmt":"2021-02-10T16:17:02","slug":"self-care-for-parents-during-the-pandemic-is-important-but-how-do-we-do-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/self-care-for-parents-during-the-pandemic-is-important-but-how-do-we-do-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-care for parents during the pandemic is important. But how do we do it?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0<\/b>I keep seeing all these posts and articles about the importance of parenting self-care, but I have no idea when that would even be possible. I have a 4-year-old and 10-month-old, and life would be tough regardless. But when you can’t go anywhere because of the pandemic (a solo dinner at Panera to enjoy a bowl of soup and a magazine, or a glass of wine at a friend’s house), it feels almost as if you’re trapped. Any advice? I work at home, eat at home and do everything else at home, so it’s been difficult to disconnect enough to even think some days. And my apologies, I’m sure you’ve already addressed this topic so much.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

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A:\u00a0<\/b>Wait, why are you apologizing? Did you know that a part of self-care is not apologizing for asking any question you may have? Begin with that!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Self-care has been talked to death in every facet of the parenting and wellness worlds, but that doesn\u2019t make it unnecessary. And I laughed when you said, \u201cIt feels almost as if you\u2019re trapped.\u201d You don\u2019t feel trapped, you\u00a0are<\/i>\u00a0trapped. Most of us reading this right now are trapped in our homes, with our children, full stop.<\/p>\n

When I reflected on your question, I thought of my friend Mara Glatzel. She\u2019s a life coach who\u00a0works on self-care with others<\/a>, but she\u2019s so much more than that. She asks people to step beyond the baths and massages (although I love both) and strip self-care down to the most elemental things needed.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThe trick and truth of it is, self-care is MOST important when it feels the least possible \u2014 when we are stressed, living through a pandemic, or trying to balance our lives, work and children within the bubble of our homes,\u201d she says. \u201cI recommend throwing out everything you think self-care is supposed to look like, and focus directly on what you need on a day-to-day basis.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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A day-to-day basis.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So, my best advice after having worked with hundreds of parents with young children? Plan your energy.<\/p>\n

Sit down with yourself, and discover when you have the most energy in the day and when you feel the most depleted. Then, create your routine in reverse. For instance, if by 4\u00a0p.m. you have nothing left, make technology and easy meals the goal. Don\u2019t ask yourself to stand in front of the stove for hours, and don\u2019t create magical recipes. Have a tight-ish bedtime routine, and write it down for both you and the kids to follow. Next, ask yourself when your energy is at its highest and you\u2019re the most patient. Morning? Perfect. Get outside, do a craft, go to parks, join a pandemic pod, walk to a coffee shop. The idea is to make everyone tired and to get vitamin\u00a0D. Stock your shelves with cheap crafts and toys for rainy or frigid days, and again, have lunch be simple: quesadillas and cherry tomatoes, or leftover rotisserie chicken and yogurt. Then there\u2019s nap\/rest\/reading time, then back outside.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

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If you\u2019re working, you want to front-end the outside activity for as long as possible, so the kids are tired and you can turn on \u201cSesame Street.\u201d You may also want to find a teen who is reliably taking precautions during the pandemic to come over three afternoons a week to play with your children outside.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Your day-to-day needs will change, so you may stick to the basics: good food, good sleep, lots of water, moving the body. All four of these may not occur on any given day, but the aspiration is there.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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If you have a partner, use the weekend to get out of the house by yourself. If possible, drive to a place to hike or, as Glatzel says, watch \u201chalf an episode of \u2018Bridgerton\u2019 on your phone in the car with a hot cup of coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Self-care is also forgiving yourself when you lose it (and you will lose it). You can practice apologizing to your children, then practice letting it go. That\u2019s self-care.<\/p>\n

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And when you begin to feel as if you are really losing it, please remember that humans need each other. We are built to connect, and this pandemic is hurting parents in both obvious ways (death, illness, the economy) and sneaky ways (mental health). Trust that if you feel at loose ends, so, too, do your neighbors. Make your neighbors cookies, have the kids make them pictures and try to spread a little joy. When you help others, you feel good, so make a list of small, good things.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I wish I could promise you that it will all get easier, but I cannot. Spring is coming, and the days are getting longer. Keep on keepin\u2019 on, and try to do no harm. That\u2019s good enough.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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And if that isn\u2019t enough, get support. Women such as Glatzel are out there, as are parent coaches, therapists, parent groups, you name it. There is loving support available, and you deserve to have it!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Good luck.<\/p>\n

Find this over on The Washington Post<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Find Meghan’s best resources here.<\/a><\/p>\n

To get this column delivered to your inbox each week, sign up here.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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