{"id":540,"date":"2012-04-17T00:32:20","date_gmt":"2012-04-17T04:32:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=540"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:27:33","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:27:33","slug":"siblings-a-simple-approach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/","title":{"rendered":"Siblings….A Simple Approach"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
I talk to clients quite a bit about siblings and all that annoying fighting.\u00a0 The most current literature says, yes, siblings fight.\u00a0 It is normal, and these fighting kids stand a good chance of enjoying a warm relationship as adult siblings.\u00a0 I assure parents, over and over, that their kids will be okay.\u00a0 I empathize: yes, it is hard.\u00a0 Annoying.\u00a0 Torturous, even.\u00a0 But it will be okay. \u00a0And I believe it….<\/p>\n

So, imagine my horror when I was driving last week and heard a radio show where a therapist was talking to the host about horrible, excruciating, terrible and tortured adult sibling relationships.\u00a0 People were calling in, describing hellish and awful sibling relationships: extreme anger with their parents, lengthy, costly and failed therapy, miscommunication, avoidance, ruined family structures and holidays, losing touch with whole branches of families, etc.<\/p>\n

It went on and on.<\/p>\n

My heart sank.\u00a0 I believed what I told my clients (and let’s face it, myself) about creating positive sibling interactions, but in the face of such anguish on the radio show, I was no longer sure.\u00a0 These men and women calling in, they were so sad.\u00a0 Some angry, but most it was mostly a deep sadness.<\/p>\n

How can we, as parents, possibly avoid such conflict, anger, and miscommunication for our children?\u00a0 Or are we doomed?<\/p>\n

So the last call comes in and this man describes how both his mom and dad came from truly dysfunctional homes, and they both had little to no relationships with their own siblings as a result of how competitive their respective parents were.\u00a0 He then went on to describe that he enjoys warm and supportive relationships with his siblings, seeing them often, and talking on the phone frequently.\u00a0 The radio host and therapist (and ME) were dying to know: what was the secret<\/em>?\u00a0 What did his parents do to cultivate these great sibling friendships, in the face of their own emotional challenges?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The man took a deep breath and said, “My mom and dad took the time to get to know each one of their children (4 in total), really listened to each child, and did the best they could to treat each child fairly.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

The host and therapist said, “So, that’s it?”<\/p>\n

The man continued to say that his parents made a conscious decision to not choose sides or label<\/strong> the kids.\u00a0 He made note, a couple of times, how hard this was due to the fact that his parents didn’t really know how to do this; they simply had to press on, make mistakes, make amends, and move forward.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The host, the therapist, and I were silently listening, filled with hope and inspiration.\u00a0 When the man finished speaking, the therapist said (with joy in her voice), “That’s the best thing I have heard in ages!” and the host smartly added, “I think we should end the show on a positive note!”<\/p>\n

I had been fretting about the “just right advice or tip” for my clients when it came to addressing sibling relationships, but was reminded, beautifully, that that is not what it is about.<\/p>\n

\"Girls\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Listening, paying attention, and appreciating and growing the good in each individual child; t<\/strong>hese are parenting skills that work because, instead of battling negative behaviors, you are encouraging authenticity in each child.\u00a0 Every human wants and needs to be understood for who they really are.\u00a0 Your children are no different. \u00a0When children believe the are understood, appreciated, and needed in the family, they are less likely to argue, bicker, and fight.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Am I suggesting this it is as simple as paying attention?\u00a0 Fulling seeing your child for who they are, right now?\u00a0 That this, this<\/strong>, will combat sibling rivalry and feuding later?!?<\/p>\n

Yes, yes I am.<\/p>\n

Life is complicated, each child is different and will have a myriad of experiences affecting their relationship with each other.\u00a0 As a parent, you cannot control for all of that.<\/p>\n

So, go for the simple.\u00a0 Accept your child for exactly who they are, right now.\u00a0 Notice (aloud) his or her goodness, and keep it going.<\/p>\n

They will fight, nothing is perfect.\u00a0 But you can start to relax, knowing that you are growing your family in the right direction.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I talk to clients quite a bit about siblings and all that annoying fighting.\u00a0 The most current literature says, yes, siblings fight.\u00a0 It is normal, and these fighting kids stand a good chance of enjoying a warm relationship as adult siblings.\u00a0 I assure parents, over and over, that their kids will be okay.\u00a0 I empathize: yes, it is hard.\u00a0 Annoying.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[439,486,446],"class_list":["post-540","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-parent-coaching","tag-rivalry","tag-siblings"],"yoast_head":"\nSiblings....A Simple Approach - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Siblings....A Simple Approach - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I talk to clients quite a bit about siblings and all that annoying fighting.\u00a0 The most current literature says, yes, siblings fight.\u00a0 It is normal, and these fighting kids stand a good chance of enjoying a warm relationship as adult siblings.\u00a0 I assure parents, over and over, that their kids will be okay.\u00a0 I empathize: yes, it is hard.\u00a0 Annoying.\u00a0 [...]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-04-17T04:32:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-12-04T17:27:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/new\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/IMG_2872.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/\",\"name\":\"Siblings....A Simple Approach - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-04-17T04:32:20+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-12-04T17:27:33+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/siblings-a-simple-approach\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Siblings….A Simple Approach\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. 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