{"id":5512,"date":"2021-04-07T11:07:54","date_gmt":"2021-04-07T15:07:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=5512"},"modified":"2021-04-07T11:07:54","modified_gmt":"2021-04-07T15:07:54","slug":"why-are-there-grown-ups-who-dont-wear-masks-dont-dismiss-a-childs-curiosity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting-in-a-pandemic\/why-are-there-grown-ups-who-dont-wear-masks-dont-dismiss-a-childs-curiosity\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Why are there grown-ups who don\u2019t wear masks?\u2019 Don\u2019t dismiss a child\u2019s curiosity."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0<\/b>My 4-year-old son has lots of great but challenging questions about the world lately, especially about why people might not be following the rules. Why are there grown-ups who don’t wear masks? Why would people litter or drive through a red light? Why would someone say something unkind? I’d love some age-appropriate ideas for how to engage in conversations about these things with him. Thanks!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

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A:\u00a0<\/b>Oh, I love 4-year-olds (especially because I don\u2019t have one in my home anymore). Four-year-olds are exactly as you put it: \u201cgreat but challenging.\u201d And to understand how to engage yours in this type of conversation is to appreciate the mind of the preschooler.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The typical 4-year-old is living in a time of extremes, of ups and downs, and is just starting to understand different perspectives. For instance, 3-year-olds may only be aware of what they need, want and possess. A person not wearing a mask? A 3-year-old may take a passing notice of missing masks, for instance, but will probably move on with the next distraction or emotion. But a 4-year-old is becoming mature enough to notice something different and stay stuck on it. The brain can focus on disparate ideas, objects and people for longer periods of time, while also turning over these things to make sense of them.<\/p>\n

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If everyone in your home speaks kindly or wears masks, then your 4-year-old will be quick to \u201cspot the difference,\u201d much like the game. This attentiveness can make for awkward encounters: \u201cWhy is that person in a chair with wheels?\u201d or \u201cWhy is that man so fat?\u201d or \u201cWhy is that little girl so brown?\u201d or \u201cWhy is that big girl screaming?\u201d or \u201cWhy did that woman throw her napkin on the ground?\u201d or \u201cWhy is that man sleeping in the street?\u201d<\/p>\n

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When I was little, these types of questions were quieted. Drawing attention to anyone who fell outside of the larger culture racially, socioeconomically, culturally, spiritually or behaviorally was considered \u201crude,\u201d and therefore, children learned to silently stare \u2014 or worse, to look away from others. Not only does this teach children that curiosity is \u201crude,\u201d but this also erases everyone else\u2019s identity, a part of them that deserves to be seen, named and witnessed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

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You are asking specifically about people breaking the rules, so you may be questioning my above tangent; I see it all on a continuum of understanding differences and, hence, becoming mature. We want our children to purposely see others and not ignore them or their differences. We want them to avoid jumping to conclusions about people based on an action or series of actions.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Why is the girl screaming? She is on the autism spectrum and is feeling dysregulated by city noise. Why would people litter? Maybe they didn\u2019t know they dropped their napkins. Why did the person run the red light? Maybe they\u2019re rushing to the hospital to see a sick child. Maybe the \u201cunkind\u201d person just got some awful news themselves, and the people not wearing masks don\u2019t believe in getting sick.<\/p>\n

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It is developmentally normal for 4-year-olds to have dualistic thinking (good vs. evil), which is why superheroes begin to carry such weight during this time. Extremes are easy to understand, so our parenting work is to gently mix in other options. We don\u2019t make excuses for others, but we can point out other explanations for what we see.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We can also use those observations to talk about our family values.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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For instance, instead of, \u201cWe don\u2019t litter, and people who do are bad,\u201d we might say, \u201cWe don\u2019t litter, because this trash goes into the water where we swim, and it\u2019s so bad for those fish, right?\u201d Or instead of, \u201cPeople who don\u2019t wear masks are irresponsible, and we don\u2019t respect them,\u201d you can say, \u201cMasks keep people safe, especially old people, like Grandma and Grandpa. Our family tries to keep others safe.\u201d By focusing less on others and more on your own values, you raise a child who is less judgmental and more focused on what they can control: their own actions and contributions.<\/div>\n
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There will be times where you shake your head at other people\u2019s shenanigans. There is no shortage of bad behavior out there, but as a parent, pick your lane with your kiddo. Do you want to constantly stand in judgment of people (good or bad), or do you want to lead with your values and actions?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So, \u201cMom, why is that man littering?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cSweetie, I don\u2019t know. Let\u2019s clean it up.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It\u2019s that simple. Work with your preschooler\u2019s curiosity, not against it. Good luck.<\/p>\n

Find this on <\/span>The Washington Post<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click <\/span>Here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sign up for my<\/span> Newsletter here<\/span><\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0My 4-year-old son has lots of great but challenging questions about the world lately, especially about why people might not be following the rules. Why are there grown-ups who don’t wear masks? Why would people litter or drive through a red light? Why would someone say something unkind? I’d love some age-appropriate ideas for how to engage in conversations about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5513,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,1492,301],"tags":[1236,1595,1594,8,1597,1596],"class_list":["post-5512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-parenting-in-a-pandemic","category-washington-post","tag-kids-and-empathy","tag-kids-and-masks","tag-mask-questions","tag-parenting","tag-talking-about-differences","tag-teaching-empathy"],"yoast_head":"\n\u2018Why are there grown-ups who don\u2019t wear masks?' 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