{"id":5564,"date":"2021-06-23T22:45:49","date_gmt":"2021-06-24T02:45:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=5564"},"modified":"2021-06-23T22:45:49","modified_gmt":"2021-06-24T02:45:49","slug":"a-son-with-adhd-and-autism-spectrum-disorder-is-heading-to-middle-school","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/a-son-with-adhd-and-autism-spectrum-disorder-is-heading-to-middle-school\/","title":{"rendered":"A son with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder is heading to middle school"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0<\/b>My 11-year-old son, who has autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, is obsessed with Pok\u00e9mon. I’d like him to exercise (besides walking to play Pok\u00e9mon Go), but he seems uninterested in everything except unstructured swimming\/pool time.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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How do I entice him to move, or are Pok\u00e9mon Go walks enough? I’m also concerned about how he will do socially in middle school when he transitions. Right now, he doesn’t care about what other people think.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

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Are these valid concerns, or should I relax on those? What are your suggestions for getting him to move (if you think he should)? What are your recommendations for him to socialize and branch out in preparation for middle school? I’m concerned he will be one of those aimless kids who gets into drugs, as described in Tony Attwood’s “Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.” I can’t do everything, but I can try to steer things and set the environment. Or is an obsession with Pok\u00e9mon enough? He wants me to learn Pok\u00e9mon, but it’s more than I have the bandwidth for. Thank you.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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A:\u00a0<\/b>Thank you for your note. It\u2019s easy to worry that our autistic children will turn into \u201cone of those aimless kids who gets into drugs.\u201d Our culture is only beginning to accept that autism can be viewed as a part of neurodiversity, not an abnormal diagnosis, and therefore, our culture is slow to see autistic children as having bright and fulfilling futures. And because your son is already at a challenging age, it can feel even more daunting as he moves out more and more into the world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Your first bit of homework is to always begin with yourself: your worries, anxieties, fears and regrets. I\u2019m never going to tell you to ignore or stuff down your fears; instead, I want you to continuously fact-check them. For instance, your son is going into middle school, which is a big change for both of you. You\u2019re worried about his social experience there, and there\u2019s no way I would tell you this is a \u201csilly\u201d concern. You\u2019re right to be concerned about how he will fare and be treated, so let\u2019s turn that worry into tangible action: Contact the middle school, and find out what services or groups are available for your son. Not every group will be an instant match, but you only need one to click. Also, connect with the counselors and special-education teachers to bring them into your attachment village. As your son takes on more autonomy, it\u2019s even more important to bring more caring adults into his life. It lifts the burden on you (a little bit), and it will help your son to feel oriented and confident in middle school.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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As for friendships, you may feel as if you\u2019re losing more and more control over this aspect of his life, but there are plenty of groups out there to partner with. My friend\u00a0Holly Blanc Moses<\/a>, a licensed counselor and expert in ADHD, autism and anxiety, says: \u201cSupporting special interests is a great way to improve mental and physical health, increase confidence and develop friendships. Consider signing up for a Pok\u00e9mon social group or class on\u00a0outschool.com<\/a>. Check out a local autism parent group on Facebook, and see who wants to play Pok\u00e9mon and swim.\u201d<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

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When I read your note, I didn\u2019t think it was such a bad thing that he loves Pok\u00e9mon and swimming. I think you need to focus on finding friends who share his interests and taking care of yourself when you become overly bored, which is bound to happen.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cRather than encouraging your son to branch out, I would go all in,\u201d says Debbie Reber, founder of\u00a0Tilt Parenting<\/a>\u00a0and author of \u201cDifferently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World<\/a>.\u201d \u201cDifferently wired kids\u2019 passions are an ideal gateway to their growth and development.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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She suggests talking with your child about your separate fitness goals and collaborating on a plan to reach those goals. Pok\u00e9mon Go walks and unstructured swimming sound great, \u201cor you and your son could brainstorm fun ways to incorporate running or parkour or silly physical challenges into the outings,\u201d she says. \u201cSocially, Pok\u00e9mon may end up connecting your son with other kids in middle school, as well as give him a sense of identity and belonging.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Lastly, she says, ask thoughtful questions about Pok\u00e9mon that encourage self-exploration, and spend time with him when he\u2019s in Pok\u00e9mon mode. \u201cEven if you don\u2019t have the bandwidth to immerse yourself .\u2009.\u2009. , showing interest and validating his passion will deepen your connection at a pivotal time in your son\u2019s life, as well as create opportunities for supporting him in better understanding himself.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Although parenting differently wired children can be overwhelming, it\u2019s important to take your family life day by day while continually reaching out for support and community. His time in middle school will bring gifts and challenges, which is true for every family with a middle-schooler, so try to stay patient, forgiving and hopeful. I also recommend listening to the\u00a0great podcast<\/a>\u00a0called \u201cThe Autism ADHD Podcast\u201d with Blanc Moses for more inspiration; check out the episodes \u201cSpecial Interests with Dr. Temple Grandin<\/a>\u201d and \u201c7 Ways to Find Friends for Children with Autism and\/or ADHD<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Good luck.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Find this on The Washington Post <\/a><\/p>\n

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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q:\u00a0My 11-year-old son, who has autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, is obsessed with Pok\u00e9mon. I’d like him to exercise (besides walking to play Pok\u00e9mon Go), but he seems uninterested in everything except unstructured swimming\/pool time. How do I entice him to move, or are Pok\u00e9mon Go walks enough? I’m also concerned about how he will do socially in middle school […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5566,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,348,301],"tags":[544,289,259,584,762,1327,8,592,591,260,1620,1621,10,593],"class_list":["post-5564","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-school","category-washington-post","tag-adhd","tag-autism","tag-back-to-school","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-middle-school","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-school","tag-spectrum-disorder","tag-the-washington-post","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nA son with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder heading to middle school<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My 11-year-old son has autism spectrum disorder and ADHD. 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