{"id":5584,"date":"2021-07-21T11:32:10","date_gmt":"2021-07-21T15:32:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=5584"},"modified":"2021-07-21T11:32:10","modified_gmt":"2021-07-21T15:32:10","slug":"does-my-son-with-adhd-need-a-new-school","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/does-my-son-with-adhd-need-a-new-school\/","title":{"rendered":"Does my son with ADHD need a new school?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0<\/b>My 9-year-old son has severe ADHD. He has done fine academically in public school. (He just finished third grade.) He’s on medication and has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), but he still struggles terribly with disruptive behavior in the classroom and with rigidity. (For example, he’s always arguing about rule violations for whatever schoolyard game.) He has no friends who invite him to do things. We’re considering a special school, and his psychiatrist and therapist see pros and cons to staying mainstream vs. going private.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

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Another factor is that his brother will enter kindergarten at the public school this year. They generally have a good relationship; our younger son is very aware that our older son struggles with big feelings and can be volatile. I was wondering whether you have suggestions for how to think about this decision. Thanks.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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A:\u00a0<\/b>You are not the only parent who has an academically bright child with ADHD, and decisions like this can be confusing.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s review what is working before we dive into the rest. First, he is not only at grade level, but he also seems to be doing well (academically speaking). He\u2019s on medication that seems to be working for him, and he has an IEP, psychiatrist and therapist. These may seem like basic elements for a 9-year-old with ADHD, but you may be surprised at how many children don\u2019t have these resources. This all points toward a good working relationship with your son\u2019s school.<\/p>\n

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But equally important to academics \u2014 and I would argue more important \u2014 is his social and emotional life at school and home, so you\u2019re right to be concerned. With almost every choice in life, there are pros and cons. Aside from what the experts think, I\u2019m interested in what your gut is saying. The IEP addresses your son\u2019s academic work, but there should be a social\/emotional section that addresses how to help him with the disruptive behavior in the classroom. Teachers are juggling so much, especially now, but there are small ways to help your son stay on task. The less he disrupts, the more confident he feels. The more confident he feels, the more likely he is to make friends and get along with his classmates.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I don\u2019t know what kind of specialized school you\u2019re considering; however, ones that work with children with ADHD can be lifesaving for both the kids and their families. Although some people may think your son needs to become more resilient, I\u00a0would argue that he would benefit from having his path made easier, not harder. Children with ADHD who don\u2019t get proper support suffer more with anxiety, depression and addictions down the road; placing your son in an environment where his learning style is celebrated, where he isn\u2019t being constantly monitored and controlled, and where he can meet other children who are like him could change his life.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/p>\n

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With every gain, there are sacrifices. Line up the pros and cons, then let your gut lead you. Therapists, psychiatrists and parent coaches can\u2019t make this decision for you, so you need to come to a level of acceptance with your choice of school. All changes, even good ones, come with disruptions, such as spending more money, a difference in driving time and other bumps that come with a transition to a new community. Only you know whether the disruptions are worth it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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When I\u2019ve had to make difficult decisions regarding my children\u2019s schooling, I would remind myself to make one small decision at a time, and I would remember that nothing, aside from death and serious injury, is permanent. You have the power \u2014 and the right \u2014 to change your mind. The specialized school doesn\u2019t work? Choose another one (if it\u2019s available) or go back to the public school. When you remember that you always have a\u00a0choice, you can begin to feel a little less burdened.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Finally, I see you mentioned that your younger son is also entering the school and that you\u2019re worried about that. Yes, there is concern around the younger brother being the \u201cbetter\u201d or \u201ceasier\u201d of the two in school, but I would focus primarily on what your older son needs now to feel safe, supported and successful.<\/p>\n

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In the meantime, I like\u00a0Seth Perler\u2019s<\/a>\u00a0work, which you may want to check out.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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It\u2019s also important for you to connect with parents who are in the same position you are, because you need support, too. Good luck.<\/p>\n

Find this on <\/span>The Washington Post<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click <\/span>Here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sign up for my<\/span> Newsletter here<\/span><\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/span><\/p>\n

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Q:\u00a0My 9-year-old son has severe ADHD. He has done fine academically in public school. (He just finished third grade.) He’s on medication and has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), but he still struggles terribly with disruptive behavior in the classroom and with rigidity. (For example, he’s always arguing about rule violations for whatever schoolyard game.) 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