{"id":6193,"date":"2022-08-03T14:47:23","date_gmt":"2022-08-03T18:47:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6193"},"modified":"2022-08-03T14:47:23","modified_gmt":"2022-08-03T18:47:23","slug":"how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/","title":{"rendered":"How do we start to discipline our child?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
 <\/p>\n

Q:\u00a0<\/b><\/i>Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources (books, websites, etc.) that will give us some starting points as we figure out how we want to set the tone?<\/i><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0<\/b>I am glad that your pediatrician is talking to you about setting a foundation, because, indeed, that is the very essence of what you are doing. And although I appreciate what your doctor is going for, I would like to give it a little spin as I recommend some starting points.<\/p>\n

In the parenting world, the word \u201cdiscipline\u201d is a bit loaded. For many, it is a euphemism for \u201cgetting your kids in line,\u201d \u201cnipping that behavior in the bud,\u201d \u201cshowing your child who\u2019s boss\u201d or \u201cgiving consequences.\u201d And those phrases are saying what many parents are always trying (and failing to do): control their children. Discipline has become synonymous with control, and although the flavor has changed over the generations (beatings to spankings to sending them to their rooms to timeouts to positive parenting), the roots remain the same: How do you react to your children\u2019s behavior, such that they behave the way you want them to?<\/p>\n

I know you asked about books and websites, and I have launched into an etymological discussion of the word \u201cdiscipline,\u201d but it\u2019s important to know that you are at a type of tipping point. On one side is the common culture, and mostly how we were raised, which seeks to control and manipulate children into certain behaviors, while the other side sees controlling children as counterintuitive and counterproductive to raising a human.<\/p>\n

Alarm bells may be ringing for you: \u201cMy child should do whatever they want?\u201d \u201cMy child should be able to hit without punishment?\u201d \u201cI shouldn\u2019t be able to correct them at all?\u201d Yes and no. To respond appropriately, read \u201cYour Two-Year-Old<\/a>,\u201d by Louise Bates Ames. (Pick up the whole set.) Although some of the examples are outdated, Ames has an uncanny way of capturing the essence of children at different developmental stages, and when you understand that it is your child\u2019s work to behave this way, that the behavior is serving growth and maturity, you are less likely to try to squash it.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/span><\/p>\n

For instance, when you\u2019ve nicely asked your 2\u00bd-year-old to stop jumping on the couch and they look you in the eyes and keep jumping? It\u2019s helpful to know that this obstinate behavior is normal and is not a reason to double-down or punish your child. Instead, speak less, redirect and provide other things for your child to jump on. Rinse and repeat. Yelling, punishing, using too much logic, counting to three and asking \u201cnicely\u201d may all work (or not) in the short term, but you will quickly find that those ways of disciplining don\u2019t have much staying power. And worse? Yelling, nagging, punishing, rewarding, using logic and being \u201cnice\u201d can hurt your relationship with your child.<\/p>\n

Remember: The goal of parenting is not to control, coerce or punish children into being \u201cgood.\u201d The goal of parenting is to grow children who can feel all of their feelings and become empathic problem-solvers, and to help children reach their fullest potential. We know that a 2\u00bd-year-old wants what they want, when they want it, so we keep our boundaries (not allowing jumping) while maintaining a good relationship (not taking the behavior personally, and not punishing or giving in).<\/p>\n

Other resources that will help you have fun while maintaining healthy boundaries with young children are: \u201cHow Toddlers Thrive<\/a>,\u201d by Tovah Klein; \u201cThe 5 Love Languages of Children<\/a>,\u201d by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell; \u201cPeaceful Parent, Happy Kids<\/a>,\u201d by Laura Markham; and anything by\u00a0Tina Payne Bryson and Daniel Siegel<\/a>. I also must recommend my book, \u201cParenting Outside the Lines<\/a>,\u201d as well as Mona Delahooke\u2019s new book, \u201cBrain-Body Parenting<\/a>.\u201d These books will give you the science, as well as the practical, funny and common-sense ways to raise children, which should always begin and end with connection.<\/p>\n

And if you haven\u2019t already, I strongly encourage you to sit with your partner (and\/or yourself) and ask: \u201cWhat did I like about childhood? What made me feel safe? Loved? How can I bring that into my family life? And what made me feel unsafe, unseen or insecure growing up? How do I prevent those behaviors?\u201d These aren\u2019t easy questions, but it\u2019s a worthwhile conversation to begin now \u2014 and to continue throughout your parenting life. Good luck.<\/p>\n

Find this on <\/span>The Washington Post<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click <\/span>Here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sign up for my<\/span> Newsletter here<\/span><\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Q:\u00a0Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources (books, websites, etc.) that will give us some starting points as we figure out how we want to set the tone? A:\u00a0I am glad that your pediatrician is talking to you about setting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5759,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[322,270,443,183,628,584,762,277,585,13,8,1277,592,591,10,593],"class_list":["post-6193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-behavior","tag-children","tag-connection","tag-discipline","tag-family","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-misbehavior","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-a-toddler","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do we start to discipline our child?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How do we start to discipline our child?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/8hucxPHg-scaled.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/\",\"name\":\"How do we start to discipline our child?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How do we start to discipline our child?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. Plain and simple.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Meghan Leahy\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How do we start to discipline our child?","description":"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How do we start to discipline our child?","og_description":"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...","og_url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/","og_site_name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","article_published_time":"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2560,"height":2560,"url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/8hucxPHg-scaled.jpeg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Meghan Leahy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Meghan Leahy","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/","name":"How do we start to discipline our child?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website"},"datePublished":"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00","dateModified":"2022-08-03T18:47:23+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d"},"description":"Our pediatrician told us that between ages 2 and 3 is the time to set our foundation for how we discipline. Are there any good resources...","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-do-we-start-to-discipline-our-child\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How do we start to discipline our child?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/","name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","description":"Helping parents. Plain and simple.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d","name":"Meghan Leahy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Meghan Leahy"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6193"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6194,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193\/revisions\/6194"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5759"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}