{"id":6407,"date":"2022-10-19T22:25:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-20T02:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6407"},"modified":"2022-10-19T22:25:00","modified_gmt":"2022-10-20T02:25:00","slug":"our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Our daughter is an extrovert, and we\u2019re introverts. How do we do this?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:\u00a0<\/b><\/i>I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve gotten this question 100 times over, so apologies in advance. We\u2019re trying to figure out the best way to handle major personality differences between our daughter and both of us parents. To wit, our daughter is a huge extrovert; we\u2019re introverts. Over the past seven years, I\u2019ve pretty much concluded that there\u2019s no happy medium here. Someone is usually going to be miserable with this type of difference, and it\u2019s usually me.<\/i><\/p>\n

She\u2019s now at the age where she\u2019s playing regularly with some of the neighborhood kids, which does help, but supervision of said activities still requires frequent interpersonal interaction (which, as an introvert, I\u2019d love to avoid).<\/i><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong: We love our daughter, and we spend whatever quality time we can with her. But we still need our privacy to recharge, and, frankly, it\u2019s something we rarely get with an extroverted child. At the end of every day, we feel bled dry by our daughter\u2019s need for near-constant interaction. Any tips you can give would be a great help. Thanks!<\/i><\/p>\n

A:\u00a0<\/b>I haven\u2019t gotten this question 100 times over, but I have received many questions about temperament issues over the years. In fact, it\u2019s so common for people\u2019s temperaments to differ from their children\u2019s that I would find it a bit weird if everyone did match perfectly! And, yes, I won\u2019t deny that it is especially hard when there is a chasm between the one child and two parents, but we need to take a different perspective regarding your relationship with your daughter.<\/p>\n

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The first bit we need to grapple with is \u201cno happy medium\u201d when it comes to expectations with your daughter. If we are looking at the middle ground as being \u201call parties being completely content and getting everything they want,\u201d then there will be only misery. But, as with everything in life, we aren\u2019t going for perfection (or the middle); we\u2019re going for the best we can.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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First, if she\u2019s 7 years old and everything is on track developmentally, then she\u2019s old enough to have discussions about people\u2019s differences and how others gain and use their energy. You aren\u2019t doing her (or yourself) any favors by kowtowing to her every extroverted need; that\u2019s not how people live. Trust me: She already knows that she\u2019s not like her parents, so just put it out there. Say: \u201cWhitney, some people love to be with lots of other people. It leaves them feeling energized and full. Some people\u00a0love\u00a0<\/i>people. They just may need to be with fewer of them or be around them for less time. They like to be alone. Every human is a little different, and one of our family values is that everyone gets to be fully themselves.\u201d You really want to drive home the point that you love your daughter\u2019s temperament and that, although you\u2019re different, it\u2019s all okay.<\/p>\n

[sc name=”Button Conflict to Cooperation Right”]<\/span><\/p>\n

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Second, planning how she can get her energy out in ways that suit you all is important. Can she join clubs or teams where you are not expected to interact (much)? Can she participate in after-school programs or activities that burn up her energy and desire to be with others? Can you find a way to have her friends over where they are in the house, but you don\u2019t have to be \u201cbabysitting\u201d them too much? Can you have a mother\u2019s helper or young teen come by to play games, walk around the neighborhood or hang out with your daughter? Is there family nearby? There\u2019s no shame in hiring help or relying on family.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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At the end of day, your daughter isn\u2019t responsible for pleasing you or taking care of your mental health, so talk to your partner, and plan how to divide and conquer. Take turns going away for weekends or bringing your daughter to see family while the other stays home to recharge.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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There are numerous ways to come at this, so try to abandon the more negative approach and instead find a slightly more balanced, nuanced and compassionate perspective (for everyone in the family).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I would also check with a good friend or a therapist to be sure that the stories you\u2019re telling yourself are true. How much supervision is needed? How much do you have to talk to parents? Either way, your family can grow in appreciation and ease; you just need to do it in a way that works for you. Good luck.<\/p>\n

Find this on <\/span>The Washington Post<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click <\/span>Here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sign up for my<\/span> Newsletter here<\/span><\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Q:\u00a0I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve gotten this question 100 times over, so apologies in advance. We\u2019re trying to figure out the best way to handle major personality differences between our daughter and both of us parents. To wit, our daughter is a huge extrovert; we\u2019re introverts. Over the past seven years, I\u2019ve pretty much concluded that there\u2019s no happy medium here. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":6409,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[322,270,443,447,1065,628,860,932,584,762,585,13,8,592,591,10,593],"class_list":["post-6407","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-behavior","tag-children","tag-connection","tag-daughters","tag-extrovert","tag-family","tag-introvert","tag-introverted-mom","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nOur daughter is an extrovert, and we\u2019re introverts.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We\u2019re trying to figure out the best way to handle major personality differences between our daughter and both of us parents.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Our daughter is an extrovert, and we\u2019re introverts.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We\u2019re trying to figure out the best way to handle major personality differences between our daughter and both of us parents.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-10-20T02:25:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/0000001-scaled.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/\",\"name\":\"Our daughter is an extrovert, and we\u2019re introverts.\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-10-20T02:25:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-10-20T02:25:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"We\u2019re trying to figure out the best way to handle major personality differences between our daughter and both of us parents.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-daughter-is-an-extrovert-and-were-introverts-how-do-we-do-this\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Our daughter is an extrovert, and we\u2019re introverts. 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