{"id":6518,"date":"2023-01-11T16:31:56","date_gmt":"2023-01-11T21:31:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6518"},"modified":"2023-01-11T16:31:56","modified_gmt":"2023-01-11T21:31:56","slug":"how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/","title":{"rendered":"How to cope with daughter\u2019s newest diagnosis"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q:<\/b><\/i> <\/b>My 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler, then with attention-deficit\/hyperactivity disorder more recently. She has an individualized education program (IEP) and gets lots of services at school. We\u2019ve also added ADHD meds, which seem to be helping.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We recently had her reassessed at school (psychological, speech, educational, etc.), and they came up with a rather shocking (to us) conclusion: They believe she also has an intellectual disability.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I\u2019m really struggling to cope with this. It took me a long time to come to terms with the autism, but I thought I\u2019d (finally!) done that, partly with the help of therapy and a great IEP team. Now this feels like yet another hit, and I\u2019ve been in a really negative head space, having thoughts such as: Is there a point to keeping her on the diploma track? Will she have to live with us the rest of our lives? My husband is very much a \u201cdeal with things in the here and now\u201d person rather than a \u201cworry about the future\u201d person, so he\u2019s of limited help regarding my fears.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I am working through some of them in therapy, where I\u2019m getting validation and support, and where it\u2019s a safe space to dump my thoughts without judgment. But my therapist is more of a realist in general. (In connection to this diagnosis, he said, \u201cI\u2019m not going to sugarcoat anything for you.\u201d) This is a helpful approach for me at times, as opposed to my mom\u2019s toxic positivity. (\u201cBut she\u2019s so smart! The tests must not be valid.\u201d)<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But, I think right now I do need a bit of sugarcoating. Just something to give me more hope and optimism rather than despondency. I know my daughter is still the same girl I love, but I feel as if I\u2019m looking at her differently lately, and I hate that.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We are meeting with her IEP team soon to talk about next steps, and I\u2019m hoping to not start sobbing in this meeting, like I did in the last one. Any thoughts on how to gain a more hopeful perspective, including suggestions for books, websites or Facebook groups? Thanks.<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>Thank you for your letter. You are not alone in receiving shocking news about your child, and you have every right to feel fear, worry and despondency. You have asked me for a more hopeful perspective, so let me try to help you on this front.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with the good news. (And there\u2019s a lot of it.)<\/p>\n

First, your daughter is being assessed by professionals. I know this may sound ridiculous, but there are many children who have similar brains who will never see a professional. These children become \u201cbehavioral problems\u201d and are shuttled around the school system, leaving everyone confused and frustrated. I don\u2019t tell you this to guilt you; instead, I would like to commend you for doing the hard work of getting your daughter what she needs to thrive, even as it comes with some heartache.<\/p>\n

Second, you are in therapy. Life with children is already challenging, but parenting children with disabilities or other invisible needs can be downright exhausting. Aside from the changes just to make it through a day, it is common to grieve the family you thought you were going to have. As you get used to one stage, another wave of grief can come as your child develops and new skills and resiliency are required. Having a therapist is a needed safe space for you to process your own worries without bringing them home and placing them on the shoulders of your child. And although I don\u2019t expect therapists to necessarily sugarcoat anything, I will ask that you […]<\/p>\n

View the full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sign up for my Newsletter here<\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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  Q: My 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler, then with attention-deficit\/hyperactivity disorder more recently. She has an individualized education program (IEP) and gets lots of services at school. We\u2019ve also added ADHD meds, which seem to be helping. We recently had her reassessed at school (psychological, speech, educational, etc.), and they came up with a rather shocking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5814,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,301],"tags":[544,772,739,289,270,447,273,628,1699,584,762,585,13,8,592,591,773,382,10,593],"class_list":["post-6518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-adhd","tag-adhd-child","tag-adhd-diagnosis","tag-autism","tag-children","tag-daughters","tag-development","tag-family","tag-intellectual-disability","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-tips-for-adhd-in-children","tag-tweens","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to cope with daughter\u2019s newest diagnosis<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler, then with attention-deficit\/hyperactivity disorder more recently.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to cope with daughter\u2019s newest diagnosis\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler, then with attention-deficit\/hyperactivity disorder more recently.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-01-11T21:31:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/IOCRrIkQ-scaled.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/\",\"name\":\"How to cope with daughter\u2019s newest diagnosis\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-01-11T21:31:56+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-01-11T21:31:56+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"My 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler, then with attention-deficit\/hyperactivity disorder more recently.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/parenting\/how-to-cope-with-daughters-newest-diagnosis\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to cope with daughter\u2019s newest diagnosis\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. 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