{"id":6549,"date":"2023-02-08T21:31:36","date_gmt":"2023-02-09T02:31:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6549"},"modified":"2023-02-08T21:31:36","modified_gmt":"2023-02-09T02:31:36","slug":"our-teen-keeps-immediately-checking-texts-how-do-we-stop-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-teen-keeps-immediately-checking-texts-how-do-we-stop-him\/","title":{"rendered":"Our teen keeps immediately checking texts. How do we stop him?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>Our 16-year-old son has been overusing his phone. There have been no severe adverse consequences yet, but we are trying to collaborate with him on responsible usage. We allowed him to determine the steps he is now taking to address the issue, and we will follow up with him in a couple of weeks about that.<\/i><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a bigger issue, though, that we can\u2019t seem to come to an agreement on: He thinks it is socially unacceptable to not text back immediately when a friend texts him. He thinks our arguments to the contrary are out of touch with today\u2019s youth. I am not sure how to find common ground on this issue. Thoughts?<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>Oh boy. As a mother, parent coach and fellow human addicted to her phone, I hear you loud and clear. As someone who grew up with a corded phone in her kitchen, the rapidity from which we went from beepers to cordless to cellphones leaves me breathless. Your son hasn\u2019t known life without this kind of technology and communication; he has only known the dings, beeps and alarms that the phone sends when someone has written.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take a deeper look at your concerns. First, your son is overusing his phone. I would ask you to get some data here, even anecdotal. Is he checking his phone during meals when he didn\u2019t before? Is he interrupting conversations with you to check texts and respond? Is his schoolwork suffering because of an inability to focus? You report yourself that there have been no severe adverse consequences, so without data, why would your son be interested in changing? You absolutely don\u2019t need things to fall apart before addressing texting and phone usage, but you do need to offer more than \u201coverusing his phone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because you didn\u2019t set the parameters of the problem clearly, having him take steps to address the issue was never going to work out. He doesn\u2019t buy that there is a problem, so he is not going to fix it. I do commend you, however, for giving him the power to find his own solutions.<\/p>\n

As for what is socially acceptable when it comes to phone usage and texting, this may be a divide where you decide to agree to disagree. Remember: […]<\/p>\n

View this full article in The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sign up for my Newsletter here<\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Q: Our 16-year-old son has been overusing his phone. There have been no severe adverse consequences yet, but we are trying to collaborate with him on responsible usage. We allowed him to determine the steps he is now taking to address the issue, and we will follow up with him in a couple of weeks about that. There\u2019s a bigger […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[1162,1703,1070,443,1559,584,762,585,13,8,592,994,591,708,161,1076,1523,382,10,593],"class_list":["post-6549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-advice-for-raising-teens","tag-cell-phone","tag-connecting-with-teens","tag-connection","tag-how-to-cut-back-on-screen-time","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-teens","tag-parenting-tips","tag-screentime","tag-teens","tag-teens-and-smartphones","tag-texting","tag-tweens","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nOur teen keeps immediately checking texts. 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