{"id":6757,"date":"2023-06-07T21:06:15","date_gmt":"2023-06-08T01:06:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6757"},"modified":"2023-06-07T21:06:15","modified_gmt":"2023-06-08T01:06:15","slug":"an-8-year-olds-temper-is-so-bad-he-had-to-withdraw-from-his-school","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/an-8-year-olds-temper-is-so-bad-he-had-to-withdraw-from-his-school\/","title":{"rendered":"An 8-year-old\u2019s temper is so bad, he had to withdraw from his school"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>My 8-year old has a terrible temper. He sees red when he gets angry and will yell, hit or throw things. His anger is always directed at adults, whether it be parents, teachers or other caregivers. He is extremely bright and loving most of the time. We have tried therapy and medication, but the behavior continues. We had to unenroll him from school because of his aggression. He knows how to use breathing to calm down but he has no desire to use calm-down techniques when he is enraged. He was previously diagnosed with anxiety, but the anxiety has improved a great deal. He does not seem to have ADHD according to professionals we have seen. Any recommendations?<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>I am sorry; it is so difficult when our children have uncontrollable and explosive anger and aggression. Unenrolling a child from school must have felt pretty demoralizing, but I give you credit for not keeping him in a place where he clearly wasn\u2019t improving. I also give you a lot of credit for finding other experts to help your son. Diagnoses, medications, therapists \u2014 these are all the typical steps a parent takes when we have such inexplicable behavior in front of us. Sadly, children like your son are often given diagnoses like Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or another conduct disorder<\/a> and while that puts a name on the set of witnessed behaviors, it does little to actually help the child. Worse, these diagnoses can have the effect of blaming the child for their violence, as if the child awakens and chooses violence, disruption and hardship.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s put the diagnoses aside for a bit. The patterns and data are telling you that he is \u201cextremely bright and loving most of the time,\u201d and that he becomes violent toward adults when \u2026 well, that is what is missing for me. We need more of the pattern to understand what happens with these adults before his anger explodes. I know this can be very challenging; some children are so quick to anger and violence, it can be difficult to pinpoint the moment that your son\u2019s nervous system gets triggered into his fight stance.<\/p>\n

You will need full neuropsychological testing, and I recommend it as soon as possible so his education won\u2019t be disrupted and he can begin to feel more regulated. This testing may determine if he is gifted, among other things. It is not uncommon for these children to have very big reactions to the adults in their lives. If the child even perceives he is being controlled, told \u201cno,\u201d being spoken down to or not being listened to, it can actually feel like a threat to the child\u2019s nervous system, sending the child into fight\/flight\/freeze (in this case: fight) mode. This reaction […]<\/p>\n

View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

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  Q: My 8-year old has a terrible temper. He sees red when he gets angry and will yell, hit or throw things. His anger is always directed at adults, whether it be parents, teachers or other caregivers. He is extremely bright and loving most of the time. We have tried therapy and medication, but the behavior continues. We had to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":6758,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,348,301],"tags":[268,322,270,273,628,761,584,762,277,585,13,8,592,591,260,10,593],"class_list":["post-6757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-school","category-washington-post","tag-anger","tag-behavior","tag-children","tag-development","tag-family","tag-helping-a-child-with-anger","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-misbehavior","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-school","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n8-year-old\u2019s temper is so bad, he had to withdraw from his school<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My 8-year old has a terrible temper. 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