{"id":6844,"date":"2023-06-29T00:01:32","date_gmt":"2023-06-29T04:01:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6844"},"modified":"2023-06-29T00:01:32","modified_gmt":"2023-06-29T04:01:32","slug":"our-6-year-old-is-too-snarky-but-so-are-her-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-6-year-old-is-too-snarky-but-so-are-her-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Our 6-year-old is too snarky. But so are her parents."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>How does one deal with a snarky 6-year-old when both of her parents are snarky? My mother and mother-in-law deem her a \u201cback talker\u201d and suggest some not okay punishments. We do have firm boundaries with her and are working on toning down our tones. We speak about kind words and don\u2019t budge when we get the eye roll and the snark, and we have removed toys\/postponed fun things \u2014 natural consequences. But yesterday she was snarky to the dentist and I wanted to leave her there. Suggestions? There is a lot going on in her head as kindergarten wraps up and her first time in summer camp begins.<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>Well, you had me at the first sentence: \u201cHow does one deal with a snarky 6-year-old when both of her parents are snarky?\u201d You and I both know that this is not ideal (and you mention that you\u2019re trying to tone down your own snark), but I am going to take this a little further by suggesting that you police, consequence and completely change your own snark before punishing her.<\/p>\n

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Merriam-Webster defines snarky as \u201ccrotchety and snappish,\u201d as well as \u201csarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner.\u201d And listen, I love a well-placed snarky comment. Comedically used, it can be searingly funny and cut right to the heart of the subject. However. Regular snarkiness is usually presented as sarcasm, which relies on irony and wit. The inherent problem with snark and sarcasm is that young kids don\u2019t have a grasp on this kind of humor.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Very young children are literal by nature, so when their caregivers are saying the opposite of what they mean (\u201cOh no, I love driving you to ballet in the pouring rain, this is frickin\u2019 great,\u201d) the kid doesn\u2019t know where to put this. Is Mom loving this? Her body language, tone and volume say that she isn\u2019t happy about this at all, but her words say that she is. This confusion is resolved in the child as, \u201cIf this is how my parents talk, then it must be right.\u201d Except the child isn\u2019t mature enough to understand the nuances of snark, therefore the snark is coming out with grandparents (inappropriate) and the dentist (really inappropriate). You are rightly embarrassed, and your knee-jerk reaction is to discipline her, but what is she doing wrong? She is simply following the lead of her caregivers, which is…<\/div>\n
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View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/div>\n
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  Q: How does one deal with a snarky 6-year-old when both of her parents are snarky? My mother and mother-in-law deem her a \u201cback talker\u201d and suggest some not okay punishments. We do have firm boundaries with her and are working on toning down our tones. We speak about kind words and don\u2019t budge when we get the eye roll […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":6846,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[322,163,270,273,628,1720,584,762,585,13,8,592,591,1719,10,593],"class_list":["post-6844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-behavior","tag-boundaries","tag-children","tag-development","tag-family","tag-limits","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-tips","tag-snarky","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nOur 6-year-old is too snarky. 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