{"id":6858,"date":"2023-07-05T21:01:15","date_gmt":"2023-07-06T01:01:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6858"},"modified":"2023-07-05T21:01:15","modified_gmt":"2023-07-06T01:01:15","slug":"12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/","title":{"rendered":"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
 <\/p>\n

 Q: <\/b><\/i>I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated (sometimes to the point of tears) when things don\u2019t go his way. For example, an obnoxious 4-year-old was sitting near him during a city tour, occasionally invading his space, and he cried when he got off the tour that the little kid had ruined the whole experience, even though he\u2019d been having a wonderful time until the kid got on for the last bit. He\u2019ll have a fun day with his friends and then come home and have a minor conflict with his little sister and then say that has ruined his whole day. We will have his favorite thing for dinner but me asking him to have a portion of vegetables that he doesn\u2019t equally love will ruin the whole meal. Is this prepubescent drama? Is this entitlement? I had a really dysfunctional childhood so it\u2019s hard for me to compare, but, as a kid, I never expected that things would always go my way. Perspective, please?<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>You are not alone in parenting an easily frustrated young man, nor are you alone in having to overcome a dysfunctional childhood (while parenting, too). I have a couple of questions for you to consider: His frustration has been increasing, so what was it before? And have there been any transitions, changes, losses, traumas or even good events that have happened recently? Part of gaining perspective is doing your best to see the fullest picture of what your son is going through; socially, emotionally, physically and psychologically.<\/p>\n

As Jennifer Fink<\/a>, author of \u201cBuilding Boys,\u201d<\/a> says: \u201cBoys can start puberty as early as 9, so this isn\u2019t prepubescent drama; this is pretty typical pubescent drama. Emotions of all kinds are heightened during adolescence, so it\u2019s common for strong emotions to arise suddenly \u2014 and to catch both the adolescent and his parents off guard.\u201d<\/p>\n

The hormones surging through his body and brain can truly feel out of control to both of you, and they appear to come out of nowhere. Cara Natterson, pediatrician and author of \u201cDecoding Boys\u201d<\/a> and the upcoming book \u201cThis Is So Awkward,\u201d<\/a> agrees. \u201cA 12-year-old is likely in the midst of it, since the average age for entering puberty has dropped to 8-9 for genetic females and 9-10 for genetic males. By 12, the vast majority are in the thick of managing hormonal ups and downs. And yes, regardless of gender, moods can swing in a variety of directions. Some kids get quiet; others get easily frustrated; some burst into hysterical laughter or easily spring tears; and some do all of the above.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fink recommends expanding your son\u2019s emotional vocabulary and developing his emotional regulation skills. Find some simple strategies that any parent can use: first, naming what you can see, such as, \u201cI see how frustrated you are by your sister,\u201d or \u201cI see how upset you are about that extra food on your plate.\u201d Next, Fink suggests validating his emotions with empathy and curiosity: \u201cI know it can be annoying when little kids invade your space,\u201d or \u201cI have siblings; I can imagine how tiring it is to deal with your sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

Before going in with any strategy, though, take the emotional regulation temperature of your son. When any human is distraught, the prefrontal cortex is unavailable to them. This means that the […]<\/p>\n

View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sign up for my Newsletter here<\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

   Q: I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated (sometimes to the point of tears) when things don\u2019t go his way. For example, an obnoxious 4-year-old was sitting near him during a city tour, occasionally invading his space, and he cried when he got off the tour […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":6386,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[263,322,270,273,1491,522,628,136,1721,584,762,277,585,13,8,592,1114,591,1524,161,382,10,593],"class_list":["post-6858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-anxiety","tag-behavior","tag-children","tag-development","tag-emotions","tag-empathy","tag-family","tag-frustration","tag-hormones","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-misbehavior","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-parenting-and-puberty","tag-parenting-tips","tag-puberty","tag-teens","tag-tweens","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/0000gcfhcf-scaled.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/\",\"name\":\"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. Plain and simple.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Meghan Leahy\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way","description":"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way","og_description":"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.","og_url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/","og_site_name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","article_published_time":"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2560,"height":2560,"url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/0000gcfhcf-scaled.jpeg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Meghan Leahy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Meghan Leahy","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/","name":"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00","dateModified":"2023-07-06T01:01:15+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d"},"description":"I have a son who just turned 12 and is a great kid, but has increasingly been getting very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/12-year-old-son-gets-very-frustrated-when-things-dont-go-his-way\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"12-year-old son gets very frustrated when things don\u2019t go his way"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/","name":"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach","description":"Helping parents. Plain and simple.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d","name":"Meghan Leahy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4109b08a6ecac6d5c68c5d4a8c8372dc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Meghan Leahy"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6858"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6858"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6858\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6860,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6858\/revisions\/6860"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6386"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6858"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6858"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6858"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}