{"id":6870,"date":"2023-07-12T21:31:32","date_gmt":"2023-07-13T01:31:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6870"},"modified":"2023-07-12T21:31:32","modified_gmt":"2023-07-13T01:31:32","slug":"daughter-has-adhd-and-i-feel-like-im-failing-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/daughter-has-adhd-and-i-feel-like-im-failing-her\/","title":{"rendered":"Daughter has ADHD, and I feel like I\u2019m failing her"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>I have a 14-year-old daughter who is diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (meds caused her to feel panicky and scared, so she\u2019s not on meds). She spends her days in bed watching videos on her phone and says no to every suggestion of an activity.<\/i><\/p>\n

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She has friends but doesn\u2019t want to see them outside school (there are no issues, she just doesn\u2019t want to get together with them). She just started counseling. I feel a lot of fear around how she just wants to lie in bed and watch videos. I can force her to take a walk with me, but she becomes extremely unpleasant, repeatedly asks to go home and becomes angry.<\/i><\/p>\n

She is obsessed with certain shows and is extremely intelligent in how she analyzes and exhaustively discusses them but doesn\u2019t care about school or homework. Her grades are fine but not outstanding and she is in regular level classes. I\u2019m scared to take her phone away (I know that sounds crazy). She is extremely strong willed \u2014 more so than I seem to be \u2014 and a black-and-white thinker.<\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m divorced and her dad has half custody, but he does his own thing and generally goes left when I go right. Our communication is deliberately absent. Do you have any guidance for me going forward? I feel like I\u2019m failing her.<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>I can feel your fear through the letter. There\u2019s nothing worse than feeling like you can\u2019t reach a child you love, and when you feel that way, you begin to panic that you are \u201cfailing her.\u201d<\/p>\n

To begin, you aren\u2019t failing her. You clearly know her likes and dislikes, you are trying to get her out of her room and you have started her in therapy. All of these examples show me that you care and you\u2019re trying, which matters.<\/p>\n

Not to mention, ADHD in girls can be confounding. I found this quote to be especially telling from the Child Mind Institute<\/a>: \u201cStigma is stronger against subtle disorders than obvious ones: \u2018You\u2019re bright. You should have it together! What\u2019s wrong with you?\u2019 The very subtlety and inconstancy of the symptoms fuels stigma \u2014 it doesn\u2019t reduce it,\u201d says Stephen Hinshaw, who chairs the psychology department at the University of California at Berkeley.<\/p>\n

You report that your daughter is doing well enough in school and is intelligent when it comes to analyzing shows, so it can be easy to forget that she has true struggles happening inside her mind. Parenting a child with this invisible issue is challenging, so please treat yourself with compassion.<\/p>\n

As a coach, I\u2019m always going to want to know when the seclusion began and what factors, if any, led up to it. So often experts can say, \u201cOh, it\u2019s the ADHD \u2026\u201d but humans are complex. Is her withdrawal pandemic related? Were there any other transitions or traumas? Bullying? Anxiety and depression related to her ADHD? (It\u2019s typical to have these co-occurring.) Boredom? Hormones? All of the above?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to overwhelm you with questions, but[…]<\/p>\n

View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sign up for my Newsletter here<\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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