{"id":6960,"date":"2023-08-02T22:18:29","date_gmt":"2023-08-03T02:18:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=6960"},"modified":"2023-08-02T22:18:29","modified_gmt":"2023-08-03T02:18:29","slug":"tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/","title":{"rendered":"Tween wants to quit activities as soon as they are challenging"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>Our 11-year-old son seems to lose interest in sports, hobbies and other activities as soon as they get a bit challenging. He\u2019ll excitedly start something new, only to lose interest a few months later. As a parent, I wonder when I\u2019m supposed to make him stick with something through those challenging phases and when it is okay to allow him to stop and start activities like he does. We have always made him fulfill his commitment (he doesn\u2019t stop a team midway through a season), but so far he then moves on to something new rather than working to get better at the first activity. What concerns me most is often when he stops, he is very down on himself, saying that he\u2019s no good at \u201cfill-in-the-blank,\u201d when really he just needs to put a little more effort into whatever it is.<\/i><\/p>\n

A:<\/b> My first thought when I read your note was, \u201cWait, who doesn\u2019t want to quit when going gets tough? Am I the only one?\u201d It is an utterly human reaction to not enjoy the feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty. Even a whiff of challenge can make some people feel truly embarrassed. Add social, cultural and parental pressures, and you will find many children who don\u2019t appear to stomach challenge very well.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how long he has been wanting to quit new hobbies or sports, but it is common for tweens to feel hypersensitive to not doing well, or even perceiving that they\u2019re not doing well. A tween\u2019s brain is growing rapidly (about as rapidly as when he was a toddler), and this intensity can lead to a type of unwarranted narcissism. A tween will feel that the whole world is watching them flail and fail when, in reality, no one has noticed. Even \u201cputting a little more effort in\u201d can feel humiliating for the average tween, and it is maddening as you try to rationalize, cajole and convince your tween that they just need to give it a bit more time.<\/p>\n

The good news is that this stage doesn\u2019t last! The bad news is that navigating it can feel fraught and confusing. If you cannot use logic, what can you do? First, you have to believe that when he reports that he feels down on himself, this isn\u2019t for attention or theater. Believe he is telling the truth and treat him accordingly. \u201cTony, it stinks to feel like you cannot do (fill in the blank). Everyone feels like this sometimes.\u201d Affirming his emotions and listening is one of the most effective ways to reach a tween and, contrary to most thinking, it won\u2019t grow his feels of inadequacy.<\/p>\n

Next, pay attention to your son\u2019s strengths. He actually tries different things (awesome) and finishes them, whether the season or the package of lessons (double-awesome). Rather than focusing on what he quits, turn your attention to how many different activities he has tried! The saying is actually, \u201cA Jack of all trades is a master of none but oftentimes better than a master of one.\u201d I\u2019m not blowing smoke here: Willingness to try many activities and sticking with them until the end is a wonderful quality. Furthermore, why does an 11-year-old have to stick to anything? Isn\u2019t childhood all about trying things? All the things? It\u2019s a wonderful privilege for a child to try a variety of activities; try looking at your son through these lenses.<\/p>\n

As for wanting him to give a bit more effort, there is a delicate balance between letting time do its work with his maturity, respecting his temperament and […]<\/p>\n

View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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  Q: Our 11-year-old son seems to lose interest in sports, hobbies and other activities as soon as they get a bit challenging. He\u2019ll excitedly start something new, only to lose interest a few months later. As a parent, I wonder when I\u2019m supposed to make him stick with something through those challenging phases and when it is okay to allow […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":5635,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[281,270,174,273,136,1108,584,762,585,13,8,555,666,1103,553,664,161,382,593,1102],"class_list":["post-6960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-activities","tag-children","tag-choices","tag-development","tag-frustration","tag-kids-and-extracurricultar-activities","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-quitting","tag-should-i-force-my-child-to-play-a-sport","tag-should-i-let-my-kid-quit","tag-sports","tag-sports-and-kids","tag-teens","tag-tweens","tag-washington-post-parenting","tag-when-to-let-kids-quit"],"yoast_head":"\nTween wants to quit activities as soon as they are challenging<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our 11-year-old son seems to lose interest in sports, hobbies and other activities as soon as they get a bit challenging.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tween wants to quit activities as soon as they are challenging\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our 11-year-old son seems to lose interest in sports, hobbies and other activities as soon as they get a bit challenging.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-08-03T02:18:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/VBc0XL1Q-scaled.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/\",\"name\":\"Tween wants to quit activities as soon as they are challenging\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-08-03T02:18:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-08-03T02:18:29+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"description\":\"Our 11-year-old son seems to lose interest in sports, hobbies and other activities as soon as they get a bit challenging.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/tween-wants-to-quit-activities-as-soon-as-they-are-challenging\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Tween wants to quit activities as soon as they are challenging\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. 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