{"id":7235,"date":"2023-10-25T22:55:54","date_gmt":"2023-10-26T02:55:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mlparentcoach.com\/?p=7235"},"modified":"2023-10-25T22:55:54","modified_gmt":"2023-10-26T02:55:54","slug":"our-4-year-old-is-acting-out-especially-with-his-younger-brother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/washington-post\/our-4-year-old-is-acting-out-especially-with-his-younger-brother\/","title":{"rendered":"Our 4-year-old is acting out, especially with his younger brother"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Q: <\/b><\/i>My sensitive and often intense 4-year-old is having a moment. Whining and tantrums have been an on-again off-again vibe with him, and we had hit a chill spell for a few months but the past few weeks have been pretty melty \u2014 tons of whining, random crying because he wanted to close the door (not Mom!), etc. It\u2019s unclear if it\u2019s a) life; b) him picking up on Mom\u2019s work\/life stress (a lot has been going on); or c) that his 16-month-old brother has fully entered the family and is now a dancing, singing, talking ball of joy and he\u2019s feeling the feelings about that. My money is on c.<\/i><\/p>\n

My husband and I have been mostly trying to roll with his emotions (mirror, validate, keep it moving) but one behavior has been particularly upsetting. During downtimes or transitions when we\u2019re not paying full attention to our older son, he often uses that time to physically mess with his brother. This includes trying to block him from entering a door, deliberately standing in his way, knocking him over while dancing, or randomly play slapping. When this happens, I try <\/i>to pick up our older son and bring him to another space, but my husband has recently resorted to going upstairs and putting him in his room and threatening to punish him with various unrelated consequences. We\u2019re trying at the same time to also give him the needed attention and love as preventive maintenance, but this one behavior is troubling to us and something we really want to find a way to nip in the bud or redirect more effectively.<\/i><\/p>\n

A: <\/b>Thank you for writing; isn\u2019t it fun having two young children? While this stage can be physically and emotionally exhausting, please know that you are not alone in parenting a sensitive child. And you are also not alone in the stress of raising two young children while you work; please try not to beat yourself up about it. It is hard work trying to find that elusive balance.<\/p>\n

As for your eldest son, it\u2019s important to remember that 4 is one of the most intense ages of young childhood. He is still little, but his personality is shining through more and more every day. His language has taken leaps forward, his ability to wait is growing and his desire to be understood is strong.<\/p>\n

What you also see, though, is that when exhaustion, hunger, illness or jealousy come into play, it is easy for your son to lose his patience. This frustration (which he isn\u2019t conscious of and doesn\u2019t choose) comes out in whining and tantrums. And since little brother is now able to take up space in all the ways little brothers do, your older son is showing he is still too immature to handle this very well. This isn\u2019t misbehavior or even something punishable; it\u2019s just two immature humans in the same orbit and competing for attention.<\/p>\n

It sounds like there is a lot of loving parenting happening, so let\u2019s run some interference and do some boundary holding. The simplest way to parent these ages is to divide and conquer. Note, I said the simplest, not the easiest. I know it isn\u2019t reasonable to think that you or your spouse can each take one child all of the time, but if you can find a way to work this out as much as possible, you will create a lot more ease in your family. Also, look for what […]<\/p>\n

View this full article on The Washington Post<\/a><\/p>\n

Looking for more parenting support? Click Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sign up for my Newsletter here<\/a> to get this in your inbox every week!s<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Q: My sensitive and often intense 4-year-old is having a moment. Whining and tantrums have been an on-again off-again vibe with him, and we had hit a chill spell for a few months but the past few weeks have been pretty melty \u2014 tons of whining, random crying because he wanted to close the door (not Mom!), etc. It\u2019s unclear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4556,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,27,301],"tags":[612,322,1680,270,443,273,628,878,584,762,585,13,8,592,809,1444,1605,446,566,10,593],"class_list":["post-7235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","category-parenting","category-washington-post","tag-4-year-old","tag-behavior","tag-brothers","tag-children","tag-connection","tag-development","tag-family","tag-how-to-parent-siblings","tag-meghan-leahy","tag-meghan-leahy-advice","tag-on-parenting","tag-parent-coach","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-advice","tag-sibling-conflict","tag-sibling-fighting","tag-sibling-fights","tag-siblings","tag-toddler","tag-washington-post","tag-washington-post-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nOur 4-year-old is acting out, especially with his younger brother<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My sensitive and often intense 4-year-old is having a moment. 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