{"id":798,"date":"2012-08-19T10:51:16","date_gmt":"2012-08-19T14:51:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=798"},"modified":"2015-12-04T12:41:44","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T17:41:44","slug":"public-tantrums-what-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Public Tantrums…What to do?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Imagine you are with extended family, out to a special dinner.\u00a0 Or there is a group play date at the park with lots of parents around.\u00a0 There\u2019s a birthday party where tons of family and friends gather.\u00a0 Either way, you\u2019re in a very public place and your child has decided to have a meltdown —\u00a0in a big way<\/em>.\u00a0 Hitting, screaming, throwing things, it isn\u2019t pretty.<\/p>\n

A public tantrum is one of the most embarrassing events for parents.\u00a0 What can be annoying and irritating at home is gut-wrenching and horrifying in public.\u00a0 As parents, we start to feel instantly judged by others.<\/p>\n

No one else\u2019s children are behaving this way.\u00a0 Everyone is waiting for me to do something here.\u00a0 I look like I am not in control of my own child.<\/em><\/p>\n

It is this pressure, this embarrassment, this\u00a0shame<\/em>\u00a0that makes it very difficult to parent\u00a0well<\/em>\u00a0in these moments.<\/p>\n

Our brains are screaming:\u00a0This is unacceptable.\u00a0 I must punish this child.\u00a0 This child must learn a lesson.<\/em><\/p>\n

It is in these public moments that you can only do two things:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Get out of the public eye.<\/strong><\/p>\n

With the situation going from bad to worse, the only thing you can do is\u00a0get out of dodge<\/em>.\u00a0 If you can go home, go home.\u00a0 If you\u00a0must<\/em>\u00a0stay in the vicinity, then go to the car.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t have a car, go for a walk.\u00a0 Just get out!\u00a0 As soon as you leave, your temperature will start to go down and you are less likely to have your own tantrum.\u00a0 When the eyes are off of you and the child, you can start to\u00a0breathe<\/em>, calm yourself, and start to be a positive presence for the child.<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0No punishments, lectures, threats, and as little physical contact as possible<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your child\u2019s brain has short-circuited.\u00a0 When they are in a full-blown tantrum, language is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0getting through to them.\u00a0 No lessons will be learned, nothing will be reversed, and the best you can do is to\u00a0wait the tantrum out.<\/em>\u00a0 As well as the child not being able to listen and receive, you are not usually in a loving and calm place to speak or act.\u00a0 When you feel publically humiliated, you are more likely to lash out, feeling shame and hurt.\u00a0 Sometimes as parents, we simply need to wait.<\/p>\n

Parents often ask me whether they should stay near the child or go into another room.\u00a0 Some children need for the parent to just sit on the sidewalk and wait.\u00a0 Some children want the parent to hold them and hug them.\u00a0 If walking away from a child sends them further into the tantrum, then stay close.\u00a0 If you feel like staying close is making it worse, give them space.\u00a0\u00a0You<\/em>\u00a0know your child best, so do what is best for them\u00a0and for<\/em>\u00a0you.\u00a0 And as always, if simply being near them makes you feel angrier and possibly violent, then\u00a0find a safe way to get away from your child<\/em>.<\/p>\n

When this public tantrum has passed (and you have sufficiently cooled down), you can look back at the incident more objectively.\u00a0 Was your child getting sick?\u00a0 Were they hungry?\u00a0 Was it naptime?\u00a0 Were they bored?\u00a0 When you are out again, how can you change the course?\u00a0 Or was it simply a young child being\u2026a young child?\u00a0\u00a0Children throw tantrums<\/em>.\u00a0 Whatever you decide, let the moment be where it now is: the past.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imagine you are with extended family, out to a special dinner.\u00a0 Or there is a group play date at the park with lots of parents around.\u00a0 There\u2019s a birthday party where tons of family and friends gather.\u00a0 Either way, you\u2019re in a very public place and your child has decided to have a meltdown —\u00a0in a big way.\u00a0 Hitting, screaming, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[125],"tags":[268,263,291],"class_list":["post-798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-childhood-behavior","tag-anger","tag-anxiety","tag-tantrums"],"yoast_head":"\nPublic Tantrums...What to do? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Public Tantrums...What to do? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Imagine you are with extended family, out to a special dinner.\u00a0 Or there is a group play date at the park with lots of parents around.\u00a0 There\u2019s a birthday party where tons of family and friends gather.\u00a0 Either way, you\u2019re in a very public place and your child has decided to have a meltdown —\u00a0in a big way.\u00a0 Hitting, screaming, [...]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-08-19T14:51:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-12-04T17:41:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Meghan Leahy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/\",\"name\":\"Public Tantrums...What to do? - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-08-19T14:51:16+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-12-04T17:41:44+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#\/schema\/person\/74ff7f6e6196b92bb9881fbaff25225d\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/childhood-behavior\/public-tantrums-what-to-do\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Public Tantrums…What to do?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/\",\"name\":\"Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\",\"description\":\"Helping parents. 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