{"id":858,"date":"2012-12-13T21:58:52","date_gmt":"2012-12-14T02:58:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.positivelyparenting.com\/?p=858"},"modified":"2015-12-03T08:31:56","modified_gmt":"2015-12-03T13:31:56","slug":"there-is-nothing-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/fear\/there-is-nothing-to-do\/","title":{"rendered":"There Is Nothing To Do."},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
*Warning: This is not a parenting blog. \u00a0This is a blog about where I am in my own life…especially since I have become a parent coach. I am writing it because, well, it is real for me and I think a lot of people feel this way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal.
\nRumi<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This post was originally called “Conflicted.” \u00a0I so often am. \u00a0Or I think I am. \u00a0My life calls to me to be who I am (Who else can I be?), but (and) I feel that\u00a0who I am is not what the world needs. \u00a0Wants. \u00a0Should have.<\/p>\n

I am at odds with my role.<\/p>\n

I am not an expert.<\/p>\n

I am not an expert in parenting, or living, or motherhood.<\/p>\n

I sit in front of my teacher, who is not my teacher because I am not a student because I don’t practice enough…and cry. \u00a0No, it more like weep. \u00a0Tears streaming down, mucus flowing out of nose. \u00a0It is as gross as you imagine.<\/p>\n

I sit in front of her and I cannot speak. \u00a0I feel so vulnerable and so open. \u00a0It is like looking at the sun. \u00a0I cannot maintain her gaze, I cannot maintain the love.<\/p>\n

She tells me I am “the worst horse.”<\/p>\n

In our scripture it is said that there are four kinds of horse \u2013 an excellent one and a not so good ones and bad horse.\u00a0 The best horse will run before it sees the shadow of the whip \u2013 that is the best one.\u00a0 And the second one will run just before the whip reach his skin \u2013 and that is the second one.\u00a0 The third one will run when it feels pain on his body \u2013 that is the third.\u00a0 The fourth one will run after the pain penetrates into his marrow of the bone \u2013 that is the worst one.\u00a0 When we hear this story perhaps everyone wants to be a good horse\u2026the best horse; even if it is impossible to be the best one, we want to be second best.\u00a0 That is quite usual understanding of horse.\u00a0 But actually when we sit, you will understand whether we are the best horse or the not so good ones.\u00a0 Here we have some problem in understanding of zen.\u00a0 Zen is not the practice to be the best horse.\u00a0 If you think so, if you understand zen as a kind of practice to be a best horse you will have, if you have this kind of idea, you will have problem.\u00a0 Big problem.\u00a0 That is not the right understanding of zen.\u00a0 Actually, if you practice right zen, whether you are best horse or worst one is not\u2026doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 That is not the point. \u00a0<\/em>January 26, 1966,\u00a0Originally offered: January 26th, 1966 | Modified March 16th, 2010 by korin,\u00a0Rev. S. Suzuki<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have read and reread this. \u00a0I am not sure I get it.<\/p>\n

But, I kind of get it.<\/p>\n

Which is very “worst horse” of me.<\/p>\n

I gathering my bravery together to go sit again. \u00a0Ideally, I would like to not cry…as much.<\/p>\n

We’ll see.<\/p>\n

This is my life…gathering courage…crying…hiding….gathering courage….crying…hiding.<\/p>\n

I am trying to grow more of the courage. \u00a0But like waves and cycles and weather and seasons…the crying and hiding come back. \u00a0And keep coming back.<\/p>\n

I am starting to accept that this is my life. \u00a0Not good or bad. \u00a0But my life to live. \u00a0To serve others. \u00a0To offer help. \u00a0To laugh. \u00a0To hide. \u00a0To cry. \u00a0To gather courage.<\/p>\n

And maybe that’s okay. \u00a0Maybe I don’t have to have my shit together all of the time.<\/p>\n

I sat with my 90 year old father in law a while ago. \u00a0He is reaching the end, and he was in bed. \u00a0I offered food and water until I bullied him into orange juice.<\/p>\n

I sat there, looking out the window and said, “I want to do something for you.”<\/p>\n

He said, “There is nothing to do.”<\/p>\n

Ah. \u00a0Yes. \u00a0There IS nothing to DO.<\/p>\n

So, we talked about Obama and the Republicans and the economy. \u00a0We chatted about my girls, and then we sat in silence as he snoozed.<\/p>\n

Hiding behind the doing…I am a master at that.<\/p>\n

But I am learning…I am learning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*Warning: This is not a parenting blog. \u00a0This is a blog about where I am in my own life…especially since I have become a parent coach. I am writing it because, well, it is real for me and I think a lot of people feel this way.   Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[91],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fear"],"yoast_head":"\nThere Is Nothing To Do. - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mlparentcoach.com\/new\/fear\/there-is-nothing-to-do\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"There Is Nothing To Do. - Meghan Leahy Parent Coach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"*Warning: This is not a parenting blog. \u00a0This is a blog about where I am in my own life…especially since I have become a parent coach. 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