4 Reasons your little girl should NOT be in the nail salon

I recently posted on my Facebook Page that I didn’t think little girls should be getting manicures and pedicures in salons.

I had been in a nail salon (run-of-the-mill, nothing too high-end), and there were a slew of little girls in there. Most of them were whining, some of them were sitting happily with their mothers, a couple were staring into iPhones, playing a game while their mother stole a couple of quiet moments.

I glanced down at my Us Weekly, acutely aware that the cover was embarrassing and the content was even worse. It was, I confess, a guilty pleasure, and I could feel the seven year old next to me stealing glances at it. I sighed and felt annoyed. I had hired a babysitter, had taken the time to get my nails done, and I felt as if I were in a little girl’s daycare. A little nail daycare.

I hate starting thoughts with, “When I was younger…” I know that it is a lazy way to make people feel badly; an eyebrow-arched way of making people feel stupid and out-of-step. But I had the thought anyway:

“When I was younger, going to the salon was a special experience and often a turning point for young women becoming teens. Why are these mothers bringing four, five, six years olds here? How is anything special? Earned? Appreciated? And what about the chemicals? The importance placed on beauty?”

Some moms on my Facebook page felt attacked by my assertion that little girls should not be getting their nails done in salons. I get it. They do this special thing with their daughters and were feeling good about it. They were having a nice afternoon, sharing a moment, and I come along and pooh-pooh it. They felt defensive; defensive of their hard work during the week, their decisions to do the best they can, their decisions to have fun and connect to their girls, to get that sparkle in the eye.

I get it. I do. I love getting that sparkle; I love making my girls happy.

And I am not changing my mind.

Little girls should not regularly be in salons, getting manicures and pedicures. Fully acknowledging that I don’t think you are a bad mom if you do this, nor do I think (at least, I hope) that you are growing an intolerable brat, allow me to offer some reasons why I think little girls should stay out of the salons:

1) CONNECTION. When it comes to little girls, you don’t need strangers and salons to connect. Setting up a mini-salon at home, giving each other hand and foot massages, picking from some colors at home, chatting, listening to music, having a bit of tea, some snacks…this is more connective for little girls. Why? Young children want, nay CRAVE, your undivided attention and in case you haven’t noticed, undivided attention is in short supply these days. What with our i-devices chirping at us, crazy work hours, over-scheduled days and sleepless nights, sitting and quietly doing your nails with your daughter is nothing short of a miracle.

When your eyes meet hers, her young brains light up with that special attention.  The brain releases oxytocin (the love chemical), and this chemical continues to attach the both of you to each other more deeply.  This love chemical helps your daughter feel physically and emotionally close to you, which also affects her behaviors.  Your daughter feels safe and wanted by you, so her behavior becomes more relaxed, easier, calmer, more settled.

Her brain does not release oxytocin with the nail technician.  Why?  Your daughter is not attached to her, nor does she want to be attached to her.  Your young daughter wants you.

“Oh,” you think, “I cannot do that in my house. Too many other kids, too many other things to do.” Well, pack it up and go the backyard or the park. If you can sit in a salon, you can do this. If you bristle at the thought of doing this, if you feel angry, put-out, exhausted, and like you may to punch me in the face, let me lovingly and gently suggest the second reason why I think little girls should not be salons:

2) SELF-CARE. I think mothers should have an hour to themselves to get their nails done, for Pete’s sake. I don’t buy this, “It’s relaxing for me and fun for her!” bit. Fun for your daughter, yes. Relaxing for you? No. Mothers deserve and need to sit alone, be taken of, and have their darn feet rubbed! ALONE.

So you work out of the home. So what? An hour away from your family is not going to kill anyone.

So, your child wants to be with you? Of course she does. So, go do something with her and then take care of yourself.

I am watching mothers cram it all in, and it is not fair to these mothers. It is too much. If you want your nails done, go get them done. If you feel guilty, ask yourself why and begin there. If, though, you cannot allow yourself a moment of relaxation, you have to take a look at that. And if you say, “I have no time, I don’t have help, I have to bring her,” take a look at your excuses and say, “Why am I okay with putting myself last?”

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3) LITTLE GIRLS and BEAUTY. I don’t think one manicure in a salon, one make-up experience, (one of anything!) creates a parenting problem. My own daughters have celebrated birthdays in salons, gotten their nails done for wedding parties, prettied-up and modeled in the mirror. I don’t think that that experience “grows them up” too fast, nor does it make them overly body aware, ruining their self-esteem, etc. I do think that regular exposure to this type to activity could lend itself to a lifestyle that grows children up, too quickly.

Coffee drinks, being given expensive technology, clothing, watching movies and shows that are developmentally inappropriate; it is easy to allow our young daughters to become in charge and take the “lead” when it comes to beauty and appearance. Mothers are important role models when it comes to health and beauty, and there is an unhealthy relationship of equality when everyone is sitting in the pedicure chairs. I think it is our job to set the expectations and keep our eye on the larger picture. Again, one manicure does not a brat make, but mothers need to be watchful of who is leading the way and setting the beauty bar in the relationship

4) EARNING THE REWARD. As unpopular as this may sound, my daughters have not earned the treat it is to get their nails done. My daughters can learn that there are places that just belong to hard-working women. A place where we can open our US Weekly, our novels, surf the net, close our eyes, and let go. My young daughters should not be there. One day, they will.

They will have worked a long day. Maybe they had folded the laundry, cleaned the dishes, wiped the butts, vacuumed under the table, ran the meeting at work, cooked the dinner, had sex with their partners, ran the three miles, and then! Then, they will want to sit and have their nails done. Alone.

Yes, I know, that in the pantheon of issues that truly plague childhood and threaten children, nail salons hardly rank. Yet, I would argue that, like hiring private tutors for children who don’t need it, like pushing kids into activities they don’t love and possess no skill, like giving children iPhones at three and iPads at four years of age, having young girls in nail salons depicts a change in our culture and parenting. As parents of young children, we cannot toss off that this is other parents’ issues, other parents’ shortcomings, other parents’ worries. I want us to simply think about these decisions, look at where it is leading our children, and proactively decide how we feel about that.

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