Waiting…

The questions almost always begin the same:

“How can I get my kid…”

How can I get my kid…to put on his own shoes?  To set the table?  To be kinder to his sister?  To do his homework when I tell him to do it?  To walk to the car without running away?  To eat his dinner without getting up?  To feel more confident?

And the other sentence I hear even more is:

“How can I get my kid to STOP…”

How can I get my kid to stop hitting?  To stop whining?  To stop saying “no” to me?  To stop ignoring me?  To stop being so aggressive?  To stop watching so much TV?  To stop teasing the baby/dog/little sister?

I get it.  These are the exact same questions I had over five years ago (and even as recently as this morning), looking down at my eldest child, not knowing where to turn or what to do.  I had problems and I wanted solutions.  NOW.  I was tired of struggling, tired of feeling unsure, and incredibly tired of waiting for it to get better.

And isn’t that it?  Aren’t we, as parents, always waiting for “it to get better”?  If my spouse stops traveling for work, if the cold goes away, if the rain stops falling, if my hours become sane at work, if I could make a decent meal, if I could just exercise a little more, eat a little less, sleep a little more, complain a little less…then (THEN) everything will “get back to normal.”

But normal never comes, does it?  The sun comes out, you run outside.  You go to bed, you wake up.  You drink your coffee, and eat a bowl of Cheerios.  You change diapers, little feet in the air.  You push swings, type on keyboards, make the appointments, run late to the appointments, find and make some dinner, wash the dishes, find the permission slip, practice the piano, wash hair, kick the soccer ball, read the book, take the temperature, clean the floor, kiss the boo-boo, wipe a nose, make the lunch, feel too tired to go to gym, and there it is: your abnormal/normal life.

When I stopped waiting “for everything to get better”, I could actually attend to what needed to happen in the moment.  I am not saying that you cannot make plans (you have to) or that the future isn’t there (it is, we hope).  It’s just that you cannot live there.  You cannot spend your life, your parenthood, waiting for things to get better.

So, I have a four year old who can become a tad aggressive with the baby (who is not the baby anymore; she is a toddler).  Rather than turn to comfortable trio of worry, anger, and fear when I see her starting to tackle the toddler, I redirect (Hey, I need help making toast, please) or I only notice her when she is gentle (Wow Louise, when you share with Gigi, I feel relaxed because the house is filled with happy sounds).  I wake up ready to try to do these things everyday, with a smile and optimism because that’s all I have.  Practice, forgiveness, practice, forgiveness.  A dash of responsibility with a healthy dollop of acceptance.  Everyday.  Every moment.

Some days are better than others, but isn’t that life?  Everyday is different from the last.  Filled with seemingly the same minutiae, yet totally different.  Embrace today, right now.  It’s all you have, it’s where your life lives.