Lately, I have been reading a lot of parenting blogs that are focused on being “good enough.”
You yell at your kids, all of the time? Well, that’s okay. That’s good enough.
You feed your kids frozen pizza five out of seven days of the week, pretty much all of the time? That’s okay! That’s good enough.
You sit and stare into your iPhone while your kids play at the park, day in and day out? No worries, that’s good enough.
Your child spills his energy drink into his iPad during his fourth hour of play? That’s fine; that’s good enough.
Your child does four hundred activities, twelve months out of the year, leaving him exhausted and you half-crazed with the driving: good enough!
Your child watches TV before bed, every single night. Good enough.
Your child eats more sugar and artificial ingredients than you would ever admit to? Good ‘nuff.
Your children fight to the death some days, and you go hide in the car? Good enough.
You don’t want to host play dates because you don’t want to watch your own kids, let alone anyone else’s. Good enough.
You go to bed exhausted, angry, lonely, and anxious about your parenting? That’s cool. It’s just good enough.
The more I read, the more my head spins.
It head spins from this idea:
“I am telling the world how I think I suck as a parent, but don’t judge me…it is good enough.”
Frankly, I don’t care about much of what people judge as “good enough.” Everyone is going to probably damage their kid’s psyche somehow, so beyond beating and shaming him or her, I withhold judgment about much else you do as a parent.
What I care about is this strange pride in shouting out your suffering, like a bizarre badge of dishonor.
Do moms really care about serving frozen pizza, four nights in a row? I don’t. And if you really do care, then stop telling people you are good enough and cook some real food.
Do moms really care if they yelled in the parking lot once this week? I don’t think you are a bad mom. Or do you yell until you are hoarse, every single night? You know that this life of constant yelling, well, it is not good enough.
And do you really care that you are too tired to fake the smile at fifteenth red circle drawn by your four year old? Or are you so tired that everything is drudgery, but you are labeling it as good enough.
I don’t feel badly for working when I am in the park with my kids. I tell them I need to work and I answer e-mails. And when I consciously spend time with them, I don’t look at my phone. That is not good enough. That is good. That is fine.
And when, two months ago, my husband and I had lost it one too many times with one of our children, we called our parent coach and said, “help.” That yelling, that fighting, that anger, it was not good enough. We needed to work on it.
How about we (me included) stop flying our fake flags of failure and have two categories: “good” and “needs work.”
Personally, I am all “good” with setting boundaries. I “need work” with celebrating and remembering to smile. Boom. Done. I know I need to smile more. I am not going to continue to grimace and tell everyone it is good enough.
I really don’t think you have to call yourself good enough anymore. Frankly, I think that is a crappy way to parent and live. It minimizes the good you do, and it gives you a free pass to be a miserable parent when you know you need to take responsibility for your behavior and get it together.
If being a “good enough” parent means a faux acceptance of poor parenting behaviors and a disavowal of the good parenting choices, than that is not good enough. That is treading water.
And another thing (she hollers from her soap box)! I don’t hear dads referring to themselves as good enough. My husband virtually sends himself flowers for dressing all three of the kids. Men seem to be generally good. Maybe they could stand a parenting tune-up here and there, but I want Moms to stop it with the good enough. It’s enough already.